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Is thin the only sexy? No, and thanks for asking! For me, at least, healthy is sexy. Strong is sexy. So is confident, and intelligent. And nycyndie's signature is right: Honesty IS sexy. So are personal integrity and loyalty.

I'll tell you what my therapist told me years ago. She said, "Honey, it's okay to talk to yourself. It's even okay to answer back. The only time to worry is if you catch yourself saying "Hmm? Come again?" ;)

If you're serious about fixing the problems and moving forward in a healthy and whole manner, your next move should be to work on yourself.

Before you add ANYONE to your life, you and your husband have a lot of work to do on yourselves as individuals and also as a couple to address the problems in your marriage. I suggest therapy or at least counseling; you'll make a lot more progress, faster, if you have a detached professional...

It's time to talk to his health care provider, psychologist, or whoever is prescribing his medication. It is possible his over-the-top behavior is a bad reaction to meds, or that the meds are making a bad situation worse. And the bariatric surgery (and the changes that come with that) may also...

Maybe the three of you should take a breather. Choose to table these discussions for a few days, to give B a chance to regain his equilibrium some, and give everyone a chance to get a breath.

Ooh, yummy! Much luck and lots of yummy good vibes!

whatamIdoing: I want to be really, really clear on this point: however you want to handle your situation is 100% your business, and NOMB. I have great respect for the kind and considerate way you and J are growing your relationship. I really do. But from your descriptions of the situation...

Be honest. Be respectful. Be real.

Coco: This man is being honest with you. He does not want or is not ready for a relationship. You are exactly right that this is an unhealthy relationship. From what you write, the man is using you, nothing more. For your own protection, drop him like a hot rock. Now. Here's how to protect...

I've been following your thread on the New to Poly board, and I want to say that I really admire the way you and J are working together to show B respect, support, and consideration as he works through his fear issues. Both your partners are lucky to have you. :) That said, something in this...

Hi. Welcome!

Hiya, Levi. Welcome to the forum. Yes, you (all of you) do belong here. You can find a lot of useful information here, as well as a caring community of poly-peeps. These are all excellent questions, to which you and your ladies will have to find the answers for yourselves. One thing I can...

Happy, Happy Birthday! WOOT! Go red!

Hello, Aria. Welcome to the forum. And happy birthday! Go Sagittarius! It sounds to me like you've got your head together around all this. Congratulations on that front. Sounds like you're way ahead of the game and your husband is enormously blessed to have you in his life. That said, I'm...

No. I wouldn't. Speaking from experience, tolerating a miserable existence may seem easier in the short term, but is soul-killing over time. I would rather die free than live in chains.

Happy Birthday, RP! You too, Breathesgirl! I didn't realize y'all were Sags. Mine's the 16th, and my step-sis is the 18th. GO Archers! GO Archers! It's our birthday! GO Archers! :D

I have to disagree on this point, Seeking. It is possible to establish safe and stable poly relationships between healthy adults. As for unethical doctors forging clean reports, I would think that one way to solve that problem is for all partners to reach agreement as to which doctors to trust...

I haven't read your blog posts, but from what you write here I want to say this: the children's needs come first, and they need to spend time with their dad. All the adults in a situation can speak for themselves, but you and your husband must speak for your children. If your metamour is...

Breathe. Be here now. Love one another. Pay loving attention to your partner's needs, and to your own. Love forward with love, respect, and integrity. Trust them to do the same. Somehow it all works out. How? I don't know; it's a mystery. ;)