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Thanks for the wonderful story. I hope you don't mind if I borrow your response as the leader for another thread intended to attract such positive stories and feelings. If you have a problem with that, please say so, and one of our mods can easily remove the thread. But I found it so...

When it all finally clicks Here is a great clip that I find representative of the overwhelming feeling we get when a new paradigm finally clicks, makes sense. We spend a lot of time on the board discussing the complications and struggles of moving towards poly understanding and living. What...

Here's what I recommend. First, give up the whole #1 thing. Relationships, love, etc., are not about competition. This is not all about building/living in some hierarchy. So that's the first thing you need to dispense with. Once that is gone, a lot of other things will fall into place...

Hey Runbaby. I'm a day or two late getting to this thread. Yes, you seem to have got the major clues. Slow down! Rider is experiencing very understandable, natural fear. It doesn't mean he can't handle it, but it does mean he needs to take it in manageable doses. I might also mention that the...

Well, one thing's for certain, the old philosophy hasn't changed here by using new labels (polyamory, etc.). The risk is still there to affect the friendships, because if things turn ugly, Zach may be forced into a position that he has to choose between his wife or his best friend(s). So it's...

Hey Hades, I get what you are saying and agree, to some extent. But where the difference comes, in I think, is how you approach it and how you feel. There's a distinct difference between being on a 'quest' (seeking) and just putting yourself in a position where the universe can respond...

I get what you are trying to say here. But I think it either is - or could be interpreted to be an overly simplistic picture. 'Cheating' has as many causes and variations as every other human dynamic. For a certain percentage I'm sure there is this empowerment you speak of. But by definition...

Thanks much sweetie for taking the time to stop back and give everyone an update. Positive stories are something we always need more of :) GS

Tinyblu, There's one important thing I think your BF may need to be aware of that he's missing - and I'd bring it up with him if you haven't already. Pushing someone (even ourselves) into something before they are ready runs the risk of turning them against it when it might have gone the...

Oh puh-leeze! Give it a break already. This is not cheating. This is call living. And discovering! It's a difficult bridge we have to cross when we discover that we can have connections with multiple people when our monogamous culture says we can't. So, like the OP, we don't know what to do...

Hey there, Ok - I'm to let this go at this point. Either I'm a poor writer or you're a poor reader/listener. Or more likely it's just a language/cultural barrier. But whatever the case, I'm 'red flagged' at this point so anything I say is worthless. So why say anything - right ? But just...

Hey Ray :) I think the discomfort comes from knowing that internally - you have an emotional connection to the issue. The key to getting it out on the table is to disconnect from that emotional attachment. Jst the facts please - just the facts. The facts of this case is that you have...

Hi Stargazer, Ouch is right <<grin>> The world is what it is. Knowledge of poly is still uncommon and there's a LOT of mis-perceptions associated with it. It's a topic you have to kind of sneak up on - and avoid stereotyped terms/phrases. Like "poly" lol At some point in an early...

Ignorant (I wish you'd picked a different name - I hate calling anyone that !) First - PLEASE don't be defensive about comments I make. I'm just trying to help you get some clarity. Defending means you really aren't listening because you have shields up. No change of gaining anything there -...

Hey Serial, Yea - I think there are some post like that. And people. But I think you miss the point. Because there's two components. The philosophy and the action. TRULY understanding ourselves - what we believe and how we like our life to progress - is one thing. What we DO in any...

Hey Ignorant, I think you may have reacted a little defensively to my prev post (?) and the term 'homophobic'. May have struck a nerve ? My post wasn't really directed at you personally. It was more a general comment about the state of society and how things take turns like this. Not...

Quite simply, you have only to decide you are going to live with integrity - or not. You are either poly - or not. Playing games to be something other than what you truly are for some possible net gain is only using people. Experience has shown that that always crashes in the end anyway -...

Well Ignorant, your post is a pretty good summary of what culture does to men and why so many men generally hide their bi curiosities until the right opportunity surfaces. Most guys are afraid of exactly what you describe - that someone they love or care a lot about is a homophobe ! And that...

Hello Abstract, You have a lot of very legitimate questions there, far too many to try to address in one or a dozen posts. I'd recommend that you just spend some time browsing here, using the search features as Redpepper recommended, to pick particular topics of interest. The long and the...

That's an interesting take, NYCindie. I can't say that I ever thought of it that way, but can't say I disagree with the crux of it, either. I doubt that many people who swing would think or say that they are navigating within a set of "externally" created guidelines, but in fact they are, to a...