Search results

Hey Balder, Of course, moving in could complicate your dating situation. But beyond that, living together is likely to alter the chemistry between you and the others. This may be good and bad. You can only shield people you care about from your personal truths and habits for so long - and...

My thoughts......... If a relationship is not a good fit in the first place, it's only a question of time before "something" becomes the straw that breaks the camel's back. And it should - so it's often a blessing in disguise. Why should two people go through life miserable (at least semi)...

Maybe it's just me - but I feel your thinking is bass-ackwards. Someone who already is in some relationship is less likely to develop dependence. And to be too needy. They already have stuff they are balancing in their lives. A single person may not have this and you may become priority...

Well - I suggest you/they GET interested in a FB ! Or several if necessary. This is the typical catch 22. You want and need something but put all kinds of restrictions around it so it can never realistically be achieved. Only humans do stupid shit like this lol :) GS

Thanks everyone so far for weighing in ! Some good stuff coming........ Not sure how much of this is poly, and how much is just growing up. Exactly my point ! We, in the beginning, don't KNOW any better. It's what we are taught. We're taught that monogamy is easily managable. Key word...

In many of the discussions that that take place when venturing into 'poly territory', there's one in particular that always draws a lot of strong emotional reactions. It's the subject of "cheating". Now, like so many other terms, it's helpful to have an agreed upon definition in order to...

Hi there Overthinker, Seems I'm a bit late coming to this thread, but I'd like to toss out another opinion, FWIW. I hope this doesn't come across wrong, or that I can word it to be received in the spirit it's meant. I smell something funny. Although you've posted that your relationship is the...

Hi Cranberry, Sorry to hear you're living through some difficult times. Believe that it will get better ! I like a lot of what Ari has said already and also commend you for having the self awareness to question your logic. It's isn't usually wise to make major decisions when we're in a state...

If I understand where you're going with this correctly, you do bring up a valid question. "When does social conditioning impact living things at a biochemical level that can/will be passed on genetically?" In this case, has thousands of years of promoting monogamy actually effected a genetic...

I didn't care for it. I think it's lacking in a lot of important facts when it tries to portray what is thousands of years of conditioning as 'instinctive.' Basically, it seems to want to portray an unbiased 'scientific' approach, but to pick and choose the facts that support the message it...

Hey Tiny, First off, I wouldn't let this whole thing get blown out of proportion. It's ONLY sex ! :) However, these ARE issues that have to get discovered and worked through in any relationship with any duration (or hope of). But just treat it like any of the other thousand things that...

Hi Annabel, Define "well" ????? One common definition of a 'failed' relationship is that it didn't meet our specifications. So there's two possible break points here. 1> The relationship/partner 2> The 'specification' Change either the results can change :) You get what I'm saying ??? GS

I agree totally with Mono here. Don't confuse his reaction over navigating in the current culture to his feelings about you. Cultural pressure is a tremendously powerful thing. It shapes our every decision. It hinders us from living our lives the way our hearts would dictate. Sometimes that...

In my case, my response to this or similar questions would be (Socrates style) another question: Don't you wonder why we have such a problem with divorce, broken homes and families? I do. This book poses some interesting theories.

Okay, RP, a paddling is in order here. :) ((getting out big leather paddle)) You are stating YOUR truth (and wounds). Cheating is no different than anything else. Once you truly understand it, and build a framework to eliminate it in the future (as much as possible with humans) it becomes...

Muse, So it's good that it came out/got discovered when it did. Because as TruckerPete mentions - safety is what it really comes down to and THAT needs to be discussed fully. One of the hard things - at least for me conceptually - is that when someone is declaring poly it almost goes...

Hi Muse, I think our other valuable contributors have covered a lot of the bases for you with solid commentary/advice. I guess the lesson to have learned is that the term 'poly' is really a pretty broad umbrella. Nothing that you wrote (unless I missed something) falls outside the framework...

Interesting questions, R2F. The media, of course, controls this. And who controls the media? Right now, primarily the right wing, conservative camp. There is much alternative press worldwide, but it's outside the mainstream, for the most part. So the change seems like it will follow the other...

Hi Sinew, I wonder if I can offer anything that might help. I wonder if the reason this is coming so hard is that you are thinking (maybe everyone else is too?) that this is just all about managing emotions. It's much more than that. It's about replacing certain belief systems. Are you willing...

Hi polycpl, Well, there's no easy way out of this. I'd go out on a limb here and say that you are dealing with someone with a load of insecurity. You're mention of her trauma history reinforces this. Insecurities take a lot of time and work to get through. And there's not a lot you can do...