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Hi Cat, Look at this as if someone just dumped you off in the middle of the Amazon where you will be meeting a foreign tribe. This is a complete cultural shift for you. Nothing more. Approach it the same way. This is all VERY REAL ! All of your previous background and understanding(s)...

Not to dwell on semantics, but you are not jealous, you are envious. There is a difference and it would be good for you to get clarity on that right now for future use. You can read up on that here easily doing searches. The rules and flow of poly relationships require new skills. Balancing...

Hey Ryan, Yea, NRE changes the flow - for a time. Best thing to do is just sit tight and ride it out. Never lasts forever - or even very long in many cases. How would you react if you were a friend/bystander ? Probably grin and tease a bit eh. Might be good to try to adopt the same...

I can see valid points on both sides of what seems to be a 'debate' - which really isn't. Or shouldn't be. A little common sense goes a long way in discussions like this and it's usually the first to get lost. I agree that the manner of dress has only minimal impact on rape statistics...

Hey IG, If I'm understanding you correctly, this would be my thought...... We have to be careful of trying to cling to the wonderful things we come across in our life. Therein lie the seeds of dependency (and despondency). Whether it's a thrilling experience, a great new food or anything...

Hello CarmCity, Couple questions........... Ok........what exactly are you "uncomfortable" with ? Do you believe that there's something inherently 'wrong' with the fact she might care (love) about another person ? What does this change about what YOU TWO feel about each other ? (unless of...

Well Erin, I think in the majority of cases our pervert-o-meter is set where we are raised. The culture, exposure to various options etc. One persons kink is another persons vanilla. For some people the part of sex that equates to the soft, fuzzy, bonding closeness dominates. It's what they...

I see what you are saying Ivy but I feel you are trying to whitewash the facts. Don't take that personally, please. Not intended that way. What you are saying is that you made an "agreement" (mutual) and that therefore that voids the power control clause. But does it ? In any...

Hey Erin, I think therapy is largely about education. It's (as Ari said) much about getting some different perspective and information that may not have occurred to us. And sex is certainly something that has been shrouded and hush/hush for many people. Talking openly with a knowledgeable...

Hi Honestheart, Don't be too hard on yourself sweetie. It seems we all do this all the time in many areas of our lives. i.e take the easy road. Maybe it's because life is full of enough challenges for many people right now and we have a hard time justifying taking on any more. And you're...

Good morning Twilight :) I hope when/if this happens you can convince her/anyone that while you appreciate the sentiment, it's not a valid question in it's current construct. An apples to oranges situation if you will. Dealing with jealousy and social programming (what actions does...

Retraining Hey Islandgy, Would it be helpful if I said Rome wasn't built in a day ? Because really, it may be that simple. We can't overcome 18 to 50 years of society's programming in a few months. Maybe even years. But we CAN do it. In other words, it's ingrained in us at this point to...

Good post and question BU. I'm not as afraid of hanging a label as you when you dance around what I think is truth by carefully avoiding labeling. (something someone does vs what they 'are') I believe that what we do IS what we are ! And I think many of the types (examples) you list under...

Intriguing I always find it interesting how some of the longest and occasionally most heated discussions I see here are around semantics. It's good overall I think because it serves as a reminder not to take anything anyone says (types) too literally - to put forth the extra effort to try to...

I suspect you'll find that there's more of a comfort level - and maybe even success record of secondaries that have their own primary relationship. There's a couple obvious reasons for this that I think others have mentioned - or at least danced around. 1> There's less risk of the new...

Hi Ros, Ok - this is a bit more enlightening. I think maybe I missed a KEY word in your first post. You said "you THINK he'd prefer to not know" what's going on. I missed that. Me bad. Because this post reads that there really isn't a DADT policy in place by mutual agreement - it's...

Not safe ? Well, you're primarily responsible for that. If you are not behaving 'safely' you need to fix that. Not constructive or healthy ? Who says ? Don't ask/don't tell arrangements are perfectly acceptable, healthy, constructive arrangements for many people. It's what works with their...

Hi LadyRaven, Here's the short, simplistic version of what I think might be going on. When we connect with people there are certain characteristics we really attach - find value in. It's kind of a cross between a fantasy image and reality. (humans have great imaginations sometimes)...

Comments Hi Far, I'd like to toss in a comment or three on some of your post. As someone who has been with this forum for seemingly ages, I've had an opportunity to see much of what you're speaking discussed, addressed, etc. I can only say this. The overall tone and atmosphere of the forum...