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Hi Swt, I'm a latecomer to this thread, so if I say something already said, spank me for being too lazy to read. All I'm going to touch on is the above quote. You need to answer the question honestly for yourself about why you being there would be different than you not being involved. Once...

Depends on the individuals Every situation is different, but if I were going to make a broad general statement, it would be that it's most beneficial when metamours know and at least respect each other. The reasoning is simple-- it fosters trust and comfort. People are most afraid of what they...

This is a good summation, I think, MA. Because of the control dynamics involved, one of the basics of poly involves giving up that control option. And I know that, in many cases, after you do that, your example is the way that's left to flow. You either choose to accept SOME risk and try to...

Hey Isaac, Welcome. As RP suggested, lots of discussion here about jealousy and a search (tag or otherwise) will give you a mountain of info to consider. Here's the short version.............. Jealousy (real) is a fear response tightly tied to insecurities and/or lack of enough...

Reality check Hey Firewater, Welcome to the reality of non-monogamy ! Glad to see you post this concern as it's a very common problem - especially in the beginning. If you are going to live this life/love style you are going to have to get past this. So is everyone else ! Because it...

Hey Maca :) Question............ How does your gut react when you see total strangers getting quite intimate in public ? Be honest............. Because it may be that you have a couple different triggers working here and you need to discover what percentage is what and plan your attack...

One possibility RP, One possibility I see is that a new term has appeared that seems to be a better fit for where people are wanting their love style to go. I think there's has been, in the past, a certain guideline/assumption that when people are just 'dating', i.e., going through that...

Hey Freetime, If it's any help, I think the thing that gets most people over that final hurdle is just resignation. I don't use that term in a weak, despondent manner. It's more a realization and acceptance of reality. Rather than wasting time and energy fighting against it, we make a conscious...

Ahh... Okay... Hi Precise, Okay, this is good. There are parts of your post that are following, others taking off on their own. :) Such as: Okay, so, "reality," to you, would be living in an ideal world, where all our wants were met, and also the #1 priority for everyone is we are in a...

Hey there NYCindie, I guess this is something pretty general, not specific to poly. When there's something going on in our lives that requires a lot of our mental resources, it's hard to give proper attention to anything else. The trick, for me at least, is acknowledging this, calling time...

Confusion over resources and poly love In reading through this thread again, something occurred to me. It seems fairly common to point to various time and resource conflicts as a "weakness" of polyamory. It's legit, of course, to take a particular example where one person has more time (or...

Hey Amobrasil, I'm glad you took that first post in the spirit it was offered. It's always so easy to misinterpret words, or read between the lines. I think many people eventually come across something in their lives that they feel passionately about, feeling it's a step forward, if not for...

Good catch, Rita. :) Yes, but in a good way, because there are some legit questions in there. Where do we get certain ideas and assumptions? It's good to have that question come up, because it's one we don't ask ourselves that often. And the answer is critical. When we're really trying to...

Hi Amobrasil, Please don't take this the wrong way. I don't know any better way than somewhat directly. Your post is filled with the naivety of youth. Lessons will and do come. They always do. In all our Utopian dreams we often find ugly reality hidden. The way you all proceeded with this...

Hmm... So, this is "your" thinking? You've sat back and thought this all through, analyzed the different options, and made a conscious choice that this thought process is the best? That would be very commendable, especially given that the majority of Western society was spoon-fed that model...

Gotta love this, Mags! :) But back to the OP's question about roots and survival of the mono. From almost any angle you want to analyze it, it really comes down to a control tactic. As evil and manipulative as that probably sounds, it has its innocent side too. As a species, we're kind of...

Hey Walter, I think that in order for you to answer any of the questions you've put forth, you have to get some clear definitions down, preferably in writing. We all toss around a lot of terms like crush, infatuation, love, etc., but when we actually sit back and try to understand them in...

Hey Firewater, Keep in mind that polyamory has very little awareness in the general public, and half those people confuse it with swinging, open relationships, commitment avoidance, etc. So it's not so wise to go hanging this giant board around your neck proclaiming your connection to some...

Hi Plove, Surrounding some of the stuff you wrote (quoted above), I'll just toss out something we've talked about a few times in other places. I guess you'd call it forgiveness, or just hitting the reset button. Here's the deal. This is not a form of cop-out or a cheap justification. When...

Trust Hi Plove, One thought occurred to me that may be worth mentioning. It's important to not confuse trust and respect with polyamory, sex, or anything else. Although they can be connected, they are not the same. and have to be looked at and dealt with separately. We all get our trust...