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Okay, that's fine. Like we've said before, we run into this constantly. Everyone seems to adopt their own meaning of any particular word and one is usually (although not always) as good as another. Out in the world, the term 'slut' is often used for any (I'm going with the female gender)...

As might be expected, I'm to fall over on Trucker Pete's side of this. I respect what many choose to feel as the "high road" (hands off). But like Savage (quoted) and TP, I don't think that philosophical stance always reflects (or envelops) reality. There are MANY reasons that one may...

I've clipped out a couple paragraphs here from another thread because I think they bring out a topic that is important to talk about. Redpepper, I hope you don't mind. This is from a thread that TruckerPete started, which was interesting. I agree this is an age-old problem. But what's most...

Hi Newtoday, I'm going to go out on a limb, and say you are being affected by the all-too-common disease of competitiveness. When you thought you were #1 in the sexual-fulfillment department, you were golden. Now you see some potential to have that position challenged, whether it's real or not...

I get it. And like I said, you are a rare gem anyway :) We'd get along wonderfully. But unfortunately not a lot of people are as comfortable talking openly and honestly about sex as you are. I've always said I can get sexual with someone as easily as I can sit down for coffee, and when it's...

Hey TP, I think it's great that you are as sex-positive as you are. It's a rare thing. I think the reason it might be a concern is that not everyone else is as comfortable as you. Sex can complicate things just because, as we hear here a lot, sometimes someone is not as into the other person as...

Hi Francy, When I've found myself in situations like this, my first thought is to use my position as, technically, an outsider, to try to help. Sometimes this can't work and backfires, but it's also one of the biggest benefits of holding that role. So it comes with some obligation to use it...

Hi Halfway, I guess some others have wisely tagged the culprit for you-- plain old lousy communication. Don't be too hard on yourself, or anyone else. It's one of the numerous newbie lessons that comes from moving into this love style. We're conditioned early on to dance around potentially...

Hi Phantom, Your question will likely be one of those timeless philosophical ones that will never have a universal answer. Not that I am a total relativist, because I'm not, but because I do believe that these situations fall under that relative head bar. There are those (and they will...

I haven't been participating much for awhile but when this topic comes up in pulls me back in. I am consistently baffled by why people/public can't clearly get the difference between swinging and poly, and also that many people who self define (such as you two did) as swingers often don't get...

I think the importance of trying to define such terms is closely tied to the expansion of love that poly offers. And the need to understand what might be called different levels of connectedness. With conventional mono relationships there is a certain expectation of a level of 'passion'...

Hey Mango, First - an old warning. Be careful about confusing jealousy & envy. Because the approach you take can be quite different. Nuff said on that - just a reminder. Because I think you are dealing more with envy here. And I understand how it can rock our insecurity boat at times...

This is So true Mags but consider the alternative. The advance education and planning does take SOME of the edge off and minimize a lot of the early mistakes. It gives you a point of reference to cling to when you think you are drowning. It's a "wait a minute - I've read/heard of this and ways...

Hey Pursuit, First, please, don't take it personally. I suspect it's quite likely he HAS said such things to you in the past. NRE is such a nasty thing. Passion of ANY type always runs the risk of running over us. I really do understand your hurt. I've been through this. I think most people...

Hey BJ, Well, you've kinda hit on the solution yourself. I think most people know this intuitively but just need to get the subject on the table. Which it seems you've done. Although we label it NRE etc around here, it's an old problem. Most people have a tendency to get over-enthusiastic...

Hey NYC :) In my way of thinking, most of the difficulty is caused by the fact that, in general, people don't take the time to think about what "love" really is and how it progresses. It's simply too much effort and nobody stipulates it's required. We can just swallow the pill form...

Hey Pursuit, Have you done much reading/research here - particularly on NRE ? What you describe on the surface seems typical of that. If so be aware it DOES pass. Things settle in. I think if you two communicated better - did some common reading & research this would all flow better...

Hi Inyourendo, Well, it seems most people attracted to polyfi are in a bit of a place of fear. There's the obvious one about STIs and others that are really more control based. Can/will you "adapt" ? I guess that depends on how important restrictions (lack of) are to you. Some people...

Good call Neon !

Whoaaaaaaaaaa Whoa ! Who created this thread - and why ???? GS