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Hey Newbie, Well, guess what. 'Bad' relationships are the most common and I'm not sure if there's anyone who hasn't been in one. But they serve an important purpose. They teach us what we DON'T want. So clinging to it as anything more than a 'lesson' is really just being self indulgent...

True communication really is an art form. Unfortunately, very few of us get much coaching in it growing up. This could be really simple, because there's loads of help out there-- courses, seminars, self-help books, etc., that you have access to. But in order for that to work, you both have to...

I don't understand the use of the word "apologetically" in this discussion/context ??? Is english a second language for you by chance ? Otherwise, any 'apologizing' aside, I actually enjoy explaining my view to others who's views may differ. I actually consider it an obligation ! Knowledge...

Hi Serial, Hey, there's a bunch of people here trying to really help you. I suggest you try to LISTEN closer. Nobody is attacking etc but some of your 'logic' is very illogical and obviously driven from your cultural experience and background. The same as everyone. It seems (?) that your...

marriage and divorce as seen by serialmonogamist Ooooooooo - k So what DO you believe is the solution for relationships that have gone.........toxic. When it is obvious that being together is no longer in ANYONE's best interest ? I think you have to be careful about such sweeping...

Hi Brat, I don't think you are being 'selfish'. But I also think you are letting fantasy block out reality. Could it work - in some far away fantasy land ? Of course ! Will that happen ? Based only on what you've written - not likely. Like you' I've lived this fantasy for a short...

Hi Morethan, I think the above quote is important. And maybe it will help you decide where that fuzzy line draws. It seems as though Tom places a potentially high value on honesty and ethics. Reality is, unless everyone is comfortable otherwise, your choices of sexual activity are your own...

I understand this. You seem like a kind, thoughtful person which of course is admirable. But somewhere along the way the enlightenment comes that we can't take responsibility for internally generated 'harm' to others. If that makes any sense. It's much different than physically slugging...

Hey Serial, I clipped this small snippet but there's many others equally suitable strewn throughout your posts on this thread. What I'm getting over here is that you may be seriously confused about the meanings/implications of monogamy, polyamory - and maybe even love ! Or insisting on...

This was well said. There's nothing guaranteed to sabotage a relationship better than selfishness and neediness ! Despite what a lot of people think (mho) love isn't about specifications or design and can't be created or maintained that way. It's just something that flows like water - either...

Hey Serial (cereal ? :) ) What are you getting at here ? What do you mean when you say "don't desire SIMULTANEOUS poly" ? I think the whole 'commitment' thing is largely cultural and difficult to discuss without evoking gender specific emotions. I think commitment to ANYTHING has to be...

Hey RP, Yea - from listening to so many people discuss their entry into poly I think you are right. For many (maybe most?) it's really like coming home. There was always this internal thing they felt but had no name for or concepts how to proceed if they did. For some, I think it is a...

Hey Clarice, Well, as Minixxa said - people are going to talk - regardless ! Know what I'd do ? Direct their conversations. Be in charge of what their conversations are. In other words - give them something substantial to talk about ! :) You could have swam between some legs too and been...

Hi Newbie, First - congrats to you for seeing beyond labels and stereotypes and general public myths. The whole '3rd wheel' drama is firmly rooted in the monogamous public perception and ruins a lot of otherwise potentially beautiful relationships. That said, Clair offered some nice little...

Hi TSL, Hmmmm aren't humans funny creatures ! :) Only my gut, but I have a feeling she's struggling with the 'at home' part. It's one thing to have extra curricular activities and then come home. It's quite another to bring those activities within the castle walls. There's just something...

Hi Othatgirl, Well - one of the most common philosophies associated with "swinging" is the no emotional connection rule. But I will tell you that for many that doesn't work - because it's against our nature. We're designed to connect with people on some other level than physical. That's...

Hey BJ, Okay, maybe I haven't had enough coffee yet, but, what are these decisions she's making reference to? Opening your marriage? Ethical non-monogamy? Where is the 'wrong' that everyone supposedly knows/agrees to coming from? Or, in this case I should say 'disagrees.' Is this something...

Well, again, like so many things that come up in a supposed poly context, the 'how' of this is just a social skill we get better at with time, hopefully! :) Remember the kindergarten lesson, taking turns? Sometimes that's what it comes down to. Once everyone gets over that fact that there is...

Well, I don't know about wisdom, but you ask some fair questions. With some of them, I do admit to wondering if you're being 100% honest with yourself. Addressing that first. You mention this activity that you discover you have an interest in that has created a conflict. Then you mention your...

Hi BJ, Although I also like what NYCindie laid out, from experience I might approach this in a less formal manner. Because polyamory is so little understood, it can actually become a block at first. I've found it's better to let people come to such labels on their own. My wife and I have been...