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I don't see friends-with-benefits as being "not-quite poly". I think they are fully part of poly life if you want them to be. Example: I say I'm poly because I want love with more than one person. I love my boyfriends. I love my friends. And a friend-with-benefits is someone who, in my view...

Yeah, I would say that's what you felt. Compersion is something you kinda do better at with practice. It don't come in an instant for most people. Though some pick up the skill faster than others, and yet there are others that never are able to figure it out at all. I guess it's just like...

DADT contrary to Compersion! To me, if someone wants a DADT policy, then chances are they haven't fully embraced the true meaning of Polyamory, and they definitely have not learned diddly squat about Compersion! And to me...I just don't want that at all. I want to know what my partners are up...

Sourgirll and drtalon explained it much better than I did. :o Yeah, that was the point I was going for. Probably not accurately, though. The "it's not fair" feeling is usually what I would go with for envy for sure....I had that when I was in a triad every now and then. Decent amount of envy...

There is overlap and there is difference. Let's see if I can put it simply.... If you are more monogamous-inclined and not poly, then if you saw your partner talking to, flirting, or pursuing sex with another person then you would obviously get quite jealous. If you are very poly-inclined...

Well there are basically two parts to your question. For work stuff, like the other poster said: Your private life is your private life. I don't care for coworkers to know diddly squat about me unless I trust them enough as a friend. And that's extremely rare because I've never felt...

Weird, cuz if this guy labels himself as Bi on the dating site, what does he do when he get responses from men? (Obviously they're gonna be pretty disappointed!) Anyways, there is that whole Kinsey scale and such. Maybe he's a 1 or something. I'd still say he's straight, but I guess if he...

Well, looking online you have two main options... Polymatchmaker.com is the main poly-only online dating site. OKcupid.com is a poly-friendly online dating site, though definitely not all-poly. Also, look for the local poly community. Here is a post I made a while back about poly groups in...

Welcome to the site and congrats on being able to handle this so well. I know it isn't easy for everyone, and I'm sorry you had to get hurt in the process! I'm glad to hear that things are more stable now and I am impressed with your openness towards this new way of thinking. :cool: There's...

Yes, it's a big distinction and of the utmost importance to be clear about. There might might be a few women out there who will go for either, but you're more likely to find them strictly on one side or another of that difference.

Local poly groups and poly meetups is the first step I'd try. Get out there and meet people! :cool: Worldwide list at polygroups.com Online dating is the next step. Polymatchmaker is the only real poly-oriented site, and then you got okcupid is not poly but poly-friendly. Try both.

That sounds like a great pace for this, especially after a year of seeing them. Well, with this clarification, my feeling now is that she's more of a beard for him. So poly-wise, there are few issues here. Closet-wise, though, there's still much to deal with. But kudos to the other partner for...

Wow. There's a lot going on here. We see posts all the time here about coming to terms with poly. Didn't expect to see one where the poly wasn't an issue because the dude still hasn't fully come to terms with being gay (or bi?) yet. I'm going to address this piece by piece, since there is much...

Right. Like in another thread I mentioned that some people would rather not use primary/secondary as phrases but still acknowedge that one partner is a "domestic" partner (or legal spouse, if the case). It just works out that way easier for day-to-day living purposes. Or, even in the case...

Yeah, I like the second one the best because of the calendar and the revolving door (I'm sure my neighbors think that!). ;) The first one does give me a chuckle though on the "what I think other poly people do". Hah! :D

Agree with Emm This. Amen. In fact, lately I'm trying to get a boyfriend to go out and date others more simply because I know we are VERY different and cannot be everything for each other. I know there are others out there that can fill various needs and such for him that I simply cannot.

moving away from partner hierarchy My views on this are constantly evolving and changing. I used to assume that "primary/secondary" were THE way to handle it all. But the more I date, and try to live a poly life that fits me, the less I think these terms work for me. In fact, lately I don't...

Very true. I've given up trying to figure out who is and who isn't, in that context. Gay male equivalents of swinging...or probably more accurately put, just good old plain Orgies or sex parties....are very common but are very much an underground thing that no one outside of that community...

For me, gay/straight/bi are Sexual Orientations. But monogamous vs. polyamorous are Relationship Orientations. At least that's how I tend to try to describe it. So, yeah, it's ingrained into my identity I feel.

A bisexual man I know explained it to me as this: Bisexual means two-- you like biological men and women. Pansexual means a gamut--you like men, women, and anything in between. I.e., androgynous, transgendered, intersex, etc etc. So he says he identified as bisexual and not pansexual...