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Bones, reading here will help. Talking also helps. Don't forget that sometimes talking something to death is not helpful. People need time and space to process adjustments. How much varies based on circumstance, person, and the change. If you want more detailed suggestions on you problems...

Being open about what's going on is important. Being here helps because of the experienced people you can ask. Tags on messages help you find related messages, so lots of reading (especially together) helps. My personal advice is relatively simple. First, be very proactive in your...

Welcome to the forum. When thinking about Finn, there's one determination to make first: is he polyamorous, or is he using the term as a more acceptable term than swinging? You might already know enough about his past and current views on relationships, sex, and love to answer that question...

You're almost 29, divorced, have a new girlfriend, and are "terrified" of being alone. Dude, really? Colette finally left because of Ariana, and you're worried about being alone? Either you found the only two women in the region that will date you, or you're not that hard to date. Not assuming...

Philosophically, either you are cheating (guilt by enabling), or by opening up your relationship with your husband, you're in the clear (individual limitation of accountability). If you need to have a moral answer, pick one. I prefer to think in practical terms. What's the likelihood of being...

Having lived in the South, Northeast, and Northwest, I can understand how nycindie feels. The simple fact is sometimes Nyc is opinionated, and she's often direct, and some people are biased in their reactions to that. When I moved to the west coast, I had to learn how to soeak Northwestern...

I wrestled with sex drive disparity over the course of many relationships. In some ways, I still wrestle with it. Being in poly or mono relationships doesn't change that. It's a matter of regulating what I want or need, what a partner or partners can provide, and how to handle the difference...

It's also reasonable to ask the both of them to be encouraging. Guys are pretty dumb at encouragement off the cuff, but if we're told it'll help, well, we love trying to help. I mention this because one detail in your story mentioned you walking behind the two of them. Something as simple...

Rainla, are you crazy? Yes. Or maybe. Or no. Sorry, not enough data. You might be. What's your point? Some folks dig the crazy chicks. Is your dream crazy? I had a dream once about waiting for the school bus wearing a bathrobe sitting in a reclining lawn chair while all the other kids...

Rules, boundaries, blah deblahs. It seems you're asking about semantics, but you're talking about desires. The simple truth is that people want different levels of rules (guidelines, boundaries, whatever). Sometimes those levels are pretty close. It sounds like you and your gf are not close...

Many people talk with me about their relationships. (I suspect they assume a happy poly that's not in a straight-jacket must know how relationships work.). Of the monos, almost every one expressing a sex drive disparity has a female with a higher drive. This makes me wonder if societally we've...

Good to hear, Z. In some ways, your post was mildly amusing. After all, as a member of a long-term same sex couple, you probably have a lot of thought that's gone into the nature and value of relationships that many hetero folks might take for granted. In that regard, being mindful of your...

Children are a resilient bunch. A happy mommy is more important than a frustrated mommy with a placeholder daddy. As for the other couple, you need to be blunt and proactive in communicating with them what each of you wants and how that would work. Because children are involved, you'll need...

I can see where thus change is a bigger issue than expected. If I follow correctly, you are 26 and have spent your entire adult life with this one woman. I suspect that before now you were trying to live up to the mono-programmed "ideal" of having all your needs met but Just One Person <tm>...

I have some concerns with the OP's comments hinting at Ken's "roving cock," and Barbie's hang-ups. Others have commented on each, but no further details emerged. The concern that Ken is not a master if his genitals is very valid. This is both a health concern because of potential diseases, but...

K and I have a 7-month-old (today is his anniversary. Crawling, atanding, walking on the edge of stuff, but no teething yet). Pursuit with a newborn is an exercise in time management and proactive mutual support. It can be successful, but everyone must be on board. A poly with a partner who...

Yasuru, it seems like your wiring might be different. The good advice to talk to your wife is the first step in learning how to live with that untraditional wiring. Recognize that identifying as poly (even if only to yourself and the wife) takes some adjustment. One of the hardest for her is...

Communication is vital. But... (ready your rotten vegetable throwing arms) sometimes we really should just shut the hell up. *duck* Seriously though, the impetus is to talk talk talk. However, people also need time. All the comments about "it gets better" should really say "it gets better...

I believe a lot of the disconnect is from expectations. Poly folks are likely not a majority. If they are, they're a very quiet major. (Not to imply that monks are torch-wielding villagers, but...) As such, most people you met will be mono and have mono programming to overcome. Many will...

One simple thing that helps is coming to this forum. By communicating your anxiety, you are more likely to relieve it. It also helps to know that jealousy is common and that many people can move beyond it. I would say it's a natural response, but some lucky few (like myself, thankfully) don't...