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I love all these replies, thank you!! Gala, you make an excellent point. he is very concerned with fairness. I like another suggestion of saying I love Nudge and J just as much as I love my son and both of his sisters all the same "amount". I do worry a little about letting the cat out of...

So youre saying....as in you were dating two people, then married one of them and kept the other as a BF?

general response to your question, just my situation....a year in we are both very comfortable and happy. It had tis up and downs, he threatened to call it off a few times, or be mono and polyfriendly, (I asked to be poly first). But with lots of talking, dating, respecting each others wants...

I know its been raised many times, but i'd still like to start a convo on talking to the kids. We have three, 8. 5.5 and 3. They know and love Nudge, and Nudge and J are good friends. The other day Nudge and I drove the kids to school, my eight year old son says "Mom, do you love Nudge more...

I wouldn't call both my guys husband, cause im only married to one. but having them both as primaries just kind of happened...and thye both know. J and I discussed, he became comfortable...they both know id like to live closer ;)

I guess...what are the issues caused when you work with one? Does the other get jealous? feel slighted by lack of time, attention? Are you ignoring her or canceling plans? more info would help. Also, has everyone agreed to be equals, and have no hierarchy? My spouse and boyfriend are pretty...

Thank you for putting this so well :)

I missed that bit, about the international thing. BUT...my reason still stands their marriage issue is whether she wants to be poly or can be happy being mono, regardless of this guy. she shouldn't do it for the guy, either of them.

I would like to "like" InLovingRadiance's reply

Ok best I can relate to this....My spouse has a new girlfriend who is bi. Im open to the concept, but never been with women myself. She asked him at one point if I were open to the idea of girl/girl and he said I was, at which pouint she reached out to me and opened a dialogue. We haven't...

I agree with this stuff too. Having basically co-primaries, which I do, is hard work. I want them to BOTH feel fully satisfied, fully connected with me, and getting what they need out of the relationship with me. If I let one slip trhere is talking to do

agreed, I chose poly. J. threatened to divorce me, I told him that was his choice but I wanted him to stay. He stayed, I was lucky. I love them both dearly and could never "choose" one man over the other. poly over mono yes, it feels like a different question to me

agree with NYC. When I presented poly to my spouse, I told him I wouldn't not choose between him, and my boyfriend (became my boyfriend). If my husband decided to go mono, or my boyfriend for that matter, they know I AM poly. That is THEIR choice, it would be awful if my spouse left (we also...

Totally normal. It gets easier. I am happy to see my spouse, too, after a date night, or even just hear from my bf after he's gone on a date. (He is tonight. I asked him to call after.) A lot of jealousy/insecurity comes from not being upset about what they are doing, but wanting something...

Also agree with bookbug. My spouse tried casual sex (I had a poly relationship) he didn't like it and wants what Nudge and I have together with someone else. this is why we are poly and not swingers (not that there is anything wrong wit hthat). If you want t oswing, you could try a club...

After opening a year ago, all I can tell you is that's probably not going to work. Now I already had a friend I was interested in when we opened, so my spouse was at square one and I was already in "like" with someone. If I had waitied for him to catch up, my boyfriend would still be sitting...

uh....yeah. we started pretty darn quick. but we'd also been friends for years

I think a lot of it has to do with if the married couple has veto power or not. Now my spouse is incredibly important to me, and friends with my boyfriend, but if the two of them had issues I wouldn't dump Nudge just to appease J. Then on the other front....Nudge and his wife have there own...

honestly, I'd steer clear of one penis policies. usually the guy is insecure and or doesn't really want to be poly (if the wife is allowed to be with women). I met a guy like that and now none of us involved are on speaking terms. all that being said...I struggle with the "primary" stuff with...

gotta agree with others, last couple I ran into with a One Penis Policy was a got mess.