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Hi Abhain, Yes - you are wise to point to more good communication. Sexuality can be complex and it's so good to hear you've made some leaps from bad prior experience. That's not something I've ever experienced so I can only guess how difficult it is for some people. But you're moving forward...

This is a really great and important point Bella. But it also can serve as a good "needy" detector. We all want and need time and interaction with those we care about. But when lack of time starts to cause real problems it can be a signal of a (possibly) growing dependency. When people have...

YIKES!!! See. here is exactly what I'm talking about regarding stereotypes being projected forward. "Stay away!" Point blank, period. Why? Because you're afraid? Lazy? (I'm not speaking to BU, but the mindset in general.) Why not UNDERSTAND the complexities of multi-partner relationships...

Yeah, I think we are saying a similar thing using different terms. The point I'm trying to address is that this language itself carries with it the danger of furthering the stereotype that three-or-more-way relationships that start with an existing two are almost never workable/successful. Has...

RP, "Just a fantasy"? Why do you say that? I think this is typical of the stereotypes that have developed over the years. Has this type of thing happened? You bet! Should it have happened? Absolutely not. We all likely have had utopian fantasies on a variety of levels, but it wasn't always...

I think there are two confusing labels involved here, and ones that get used a lot, not always to our own advantage. The first is "couple." Is there really any such thing? I ask this with an open mind, as someone in a long-term relationship with the same person. The whole idea that we are so...

Hey RP, Wow, it's interesting that this topic may not have come up before, or maybe only as a secondary part of a discussion. It's a very valid and important question. I'll try to offer some of the positives. The negatives seem to be all over the place anyway, so no sense in rehashing them...

Hi Abhainn, Yea, this is one of the complex parts of relationships and why sometimes good ones drift towards ignoring the sexual part. Sexual taste varies widely in people and it also changes with the season, wind, age, phase of the moon etc :) This is why I'm a big promoter of opening up...

Hey Michou, Well, FWIW, I'm going to say your expectations and plans may get you all in trouble. There's a whiff of control in there, to me, and if there is, it's going to spell some difficult times ahead. There is no equality, ever. Anywhere. Life just isn't like that. But what it's sensible...

Hey Mon :) I think this is at the heart of mono struggles and mindset. That desire to freeze moments in time that are special and beautiful. Just sit there forever and glow. But you know too that life isn't like that. Nor relationships. We can't 'freeze-frame'. Things are always changing...

I think it's fine in most circumstances to try to be a 'resource' to defuse conflict. But that's entirely different than becoming personally attached to it. Taking some part of 'ownership'. That's where it becomes problematic. The 'conflictors' need to sort out their own conflict in the end...

Hi Booklady, I don't feel that sex is the defining characteristic of a wonderful relationship. I can easily see where two people in a long standing relationship could drift sexually apart because of their different needs/desires. I don't think this has any intrinsic meaning other than what...

I think you are definitely infatuated and fantasizing like crazy. Happens all the time to a lot of us. It may well be that you do see/feel the call to being polyamorous. In so many aspects it just makes sense and feels right/normal. But time out for a reality check. We do feel this connection...

Hi Nanda, Not a bad start at all ! I've seen worse :) I think you should acknowledge SOME truth in this (trying to keep your relationship) but if I were you I'd focus on and emphasize more the point that this is all new and you don't know how to do this - YET ! Everyone needs to cut each...

Old thread resurfaced - good ! I think this forum has grown and matured over the last couple years to a point it's making significant positive contributions. I was just discussing this with a potential new member the other day - remarking how it's rare a day goes by that you don't see a big...

Hi Nanda, You are correct on the NRE issue. And this is always the hardest phase for everyone involved. Calling it what it is and talking about how traumatic it is, is the only medicine. Let your GF know that you understand, but are human and have feelings too. Ask for a little...

Different perspectives This seems a difficult situation, at least for me, because I can understand both sides of the equation. It seems it's fear-driven from both sides. The monoamorous person doesn't want to do anything that might threaten her self image and identity as mono. Must be really...

Hey RP, This line of thinking surfaces in many areas these days it seems. It CAN be a delusional and dangerous approach to life if not keep in proper perspective. I believe it roots from much of the new age style belief system/philosophy that as energy manipulators we can create realities...

Successful triads, in my experience, most often just fall together almost accidentally. Trying to create one by design seems to have poor results. So by the same note, unsuccessful triads, or any relationship, are often the result of design and specifications. It seems the best concept is just...

Hey Axl, I think you are doing fine. You've identified things pretty clearly and are keeping some distance - not letting things run away with you. "reactions" are normal and expected. But you are doing something out of love and concern - in other words for positive reasons. You're cristian...