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I don't think it's reasonable that you expect your partner to adapt to non-monogamy if you're not willing to put the work in to do the same. If you're not ready for her to be poly, you're not ready for poly. So figure out those insecurities, and work with her to stabilise your mind-set before...

This is just wild speculation on my part, but on your second point about missing 'new relationship energy'…for me (and possibly your husband) this is absolutely connected to that feeling of initially falling in love. If he's like me, he might be perceiving that aspect of what you say you desire...

If neither your nor his cousin actually want a poly relationship for any reason other than to keep this man as your romantic partner, then I can't see things working out. :( Poly-mono relationships *can* work, but typically only if the hinge person (your husband in this case) has enough time and...

Hey Jemmy, You already know this I think, but you are over-reacting here. This is usually a sign that there are other things going on beneath the surface that you'd do well to uncover before your unconscious reactions cause you more grief. Basically, you are in dire need of setting yourself...

I know you're coming at this from a swinging mindset, and that can be jarring to those outside that world. I'll try to be as sensitive as I can, but accept my apologies in advance if this comes off as brusque. You do not own your wife. You do not own her body. You do not get to control who has...

Hi there, It sounds like there is a lot of worrying and supposing and wondering why, but not many actual facts or explanations in your post. In all honesty, it sounds to me like you two just need to talk more so you can both get to the root of why he feels the way he does, and also for you to...

And nothing wrong with loyalty in multiple relationships either.

Meh. Those who say it cannot be done, probably shouldn't interrupt those doing it. And so on.

Sounds like a pretty simple dilemma. If you want to sleep with them both, you have two choices: do it without your husband's knowledge and consent (ie cheat on him) or speak to him about what you want and ask if he would be content to renegotiate your current monogamous agreement. Presuming...

I think GalaGirl is spot on here. You need to concentrate on your own needs, figure out your own boundaries, and tend to your relationship with him rather than get involved in whatever they have going on. Also, don't be making excuses for his behaviour or try to come up with justifications -...

What's wrong with conversing? Is that not how most people begin interacting?

Oh Kevin, this is perfect! Now I'm going to have to hide this thread from my own partner so she doesn't start using that line on me!

A thing is only as reasonable as the people involved deem it to be. You need to be having this discussion with the other F and M in this scenario and find out their thoughts. That the first F is mono is neither here nor there. That doesn't make a request like that any more objectively reasonable...

Thanks for asking this question and laying out how you feel, as this has really helped me think about my own situation. I really relate to this section of what you wrote - the only difference being I'm not an introvert. I guess I don't really identify as personally being polyamorous OR...

Symbols wouldn't work for me. I think if you are seeking to meet other partners, you need to be direct. Perhaps consider an online dating profile where you can be explicit about your current situation and what you are looking for - that will allow people to filter themselves out if they are not...

This is a common desire of people going into polyamory for the first time. The thing is, it's quite naive to assume that just because it's what HE wants, that there will be two women (you and another) that also want the same thing. Not everyone is suited to sharing their personal space with...

I think it was Einstein who said that "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result". You tried telling him to go off and do his own thing, promising to 'catch up' later last time, and it crashed and burned. Why are you saying the same thing again now...

I'm another naturally messy lady, albeit one who has learnt to be a lot more tidy since living with a tidier one! The key thing is that I recognise it's completely unfair for only one of us to do the work. If your boyfriend is not of that opinion, then I can't really see what more you can do. I...

The physical attraction might not go away for quite some time, but her ability to act upon it or not is well within her control. Do you worry that she won't be able to do that for some reason, and that temptation will be too much? Or do you feel uncomfortable just with the idea that she can...

Hey there, I feel like you are beating yourself up a bit unnecessarily here, and also that her reaction wasn't entirely compassionate. You are going through some big changes together as a couple, and individually, and it's OKAY for things to not go perfectly when you try something new for the...