A couple trying to seduce me

[Jenstanf]

oman, my husband took a promotion at work to get into management. I didn't understand why he needed to take it because he gets the jobs that no one else wants and is constantly away from home for long periods of time. This has put a strain on our marriage and our sex life. When I tried to talk to him about it he told me to take up a ceramic class or something to take up my time. Last week I went to a wine tasting at a local winery. I met a very nice couple and we sat and chatted for a long time. Before we said our goodbyes we exchanged emails and phone numbers because we live very close to one another. During the week we started emailing back and forth and that led to texting. During our texting she started asking me personal questions and I started confiding in her about what was going on with my sexlife. The texting got pretty heated that night and the next. she told me they are swingers and have been involved with married women many times. They have asked me to come over during the week for dinner and drinks, she even told me they smoke pot, I told her I haven't done that in years and she said it will be fun. I know what they want just not sure what to do

 

[tenK]

Sounds like a pretty simple dilemma. If you want to sleep with them both, you have two choices: do it without your husband's knowledge and consent (ie cheat on him) or speak to him about what you want and ask if he would be content to renegotiate your current monogamous agreement.

Presuming you do decide to be honest with your husband (and this is highly recommended) you need to figure out in exactly what way you want to be non-monogamous. It doesn't sound as if you or this other couple are looking for a poly amorous relationship - just recreational sex without emotional attachment. However, it's good to really ponder (and ask them) to be sure that everyone is on the same page about what kind of relationship/interaction they are wanting. Obviously, your husband should be included in discussion of yours and his boundaries in this area as part of figuring out whether to open or not.

 

[Tinwen]

Well, yeah, telling you to find a ceramic class is way different to telling you to find a couple I guess you will have to do a lot of explaining, if you wish to open, monogamous men don't tend to take it lightly. Slow down with that couple.
Edit: The "have been involved with married women" and their behavior sounds like they perhaps would not mind, if you cheated. That is not particularly ethical on their part. I would rather expect a "if your husband was ok with it" sentence.

 

[IndieSolo]

If you don't talk to your husband about it, it would be cheating and a huge betrayal of trust in your marriage.

Don't make a decision out of desperation. Desperate people make notoriously bad mistakes. You might wind up being used by these people just to get their jollies. I know you're craving physical contact but you don't want to be this couple's fucktoy. I can almost guarantee you will be discarded when they're done with you. If they actually cared about you, they wouldn't want you to go and fuck them in secret. They sound like predators, and you are easy prey because you're so unhappy.

Leave them alone and work on your marriage. See a therapist and let your husband know that the marriage hangs in the balance and depends on what he puts into it. If he doesn't make an effort to be a partner to you, I think you should be prepared to walk, but he should be told what is at stake.

 

[Ravenscroft]

You met them last week. They're strangers. Even if you know their actual names, home address, etc., you don't know anything about them.

I'd bet cash that if you sent a friend to the next event at that winery, you'd get a report of them pulling the same moves on another solo female. Wouldn't that make you feel all special?

You confided about your sex life to strangers who have clear incentives to take advantage of you, & no real downside for them. IMO, that makes less sense than f^cking your therapist.

If you WANT to have an affair that could easily end your marriage, & probably wouldn't survive for any length of time after the initial thrill, then go right on ahead. The Earth will keep spinning. However, given the basis of deceit & dishonesty, none of you'd have any right to even pretend this is polyamory.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi Jenstanf,

From what you say about this couple so far, it sounds like they're interested in casual sex, possibly just a one-night stand but who knows. Assuming you want to stay with your husband, you should tell him about this couple and get his consent.

Regards,
Kevin T.

 

[GalaGirl]

You are telling strangers about the sex problems in your marriage?

To me it sounds like you crave connection with your husband so you can solve the problems. Talk to him. Taking a ceramics class might occupy your time, but it doesn't solve the lack of connection with HIM. Is he able to see that?

Or you crave connection with a close friend or counselor so you can safely air out the problems with your husband and figure out how to even approach him in conversation. Talk to a safe person about what's weighing you down -- not strangers who have an agenda.

There's is nothing wrong with recreational sex among healthy, consenting adults. But you are not healthy right now -- it sounds predatory to me to be going after you when you are sad about your husband.

I think you could leave the swinging couple be. They seem to have their own interests at heart. Not your best interests at heart.

Galagirl