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One of my counseling instructors gave some great advice one day. It wasn't directed towards someone dealing with a husband/wife thing, but a mother/child thing, but the thought works for both. Sometimes when you realize the person you are with (or are born to) is not ever going to be what you...

Here's the thing. All of our stories are one-sided. All of our opinions are ours alone. the way we see situations and events can ONLY be from our own pespective. So duh. :) Nobody here takes anybody's word on things, but they try to see alternate sides and give opinions. And yes, your shit has...

Aw, sweetie. Suckage mas grande. :-\ So since books are my thing I'm gonna recommend one for you, that might help you with working through things in your head a little. It's called "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beattie My completely unsolicited thoughts based on nothing more than words on...

I find it can be good to sit down and discuss this strategy first, before anything comes up that you need to actually use it on. Many people when you say "It makes me feel sad when you do x" will ASSUME you mean "I don't want you to do X anymore", even if that's not your intention. Making sure...

I get that from my therapist(s) too. :) I wouldn't think about it as being TOO nice. Maybe, like me, you're just somebody who thinks a lot and takes into consideration the feelings and thoughts of other people before making decisions or jumping into situations. This is not a bad thing. Not...

Definitely be super aware of your safety right now. He may/may not have borderline personality disorder, but since you have broken it off with him I'd behave as if he does and take precautions for your safety as if that's the case. Better to be safe than sorry. As for the rest, I think you...

Sorry sweets. ((HUGS)) I agree with the ladies, though, that a counselor might be something really good for you personally to help you deal with the feelings and situation you are in constructively and have somebody objective who can listen and offer you the support you need right now to focus...

I agree, red flags abounding here. He does not seem to be a very emotionally and mentally healthy person, and he surrounds himself with people that seem to not be emotionally and mentally healthy. This is not an accident. I think the bigger question you need to ask yourself and look at is, why...

That's good to hear Carma. :) I'm glad you're finding some peace and some time to think about yourself and your kidlets. Virtual hugs back!

This. Spend a little time on any online forum regarding sex, and the majority of the posts will be about people who are having sexual drive incompatibility issues (usually one partner not interested, the other feeling rejected). I used to peruse the boards a few years back because I was doing...

It can last for differing amounts of time (from what I hear), but generally I think in 12-18 months it starts to fade. I know you say you've read everything, but has Matt? One issue I've had with my hubs is that I am the one that has researched, read and gotten other people's perspectives on...

A very short reply to a very long post-- I would search the forum for posts on NRE. It just sounds like Matt and Nora are in the midst of new relationship energy and are having trouble maintaining balance with their current relationships. Maybe reading a bit about it might help you (and him) to...

I think that about sums it up.

I agree you definitely need to make a list and give it to the therapist ahead of time. Put LYING/TRUST as the #1 issue. As much as other issues are a problem, it all comes back to trust. I guarantee your therapist is used to having people try to play their games with them, and is going to not...

I'm on my phone so this will be short. In addition to the Tara Brach book and podcasts (which I'm telling you now will be eye openin and may help you find some peace amidst the chaos) I also recommend a book by Michele wiener-Davis called "how to change your life and everyone in it". Its not as...

Carma, I sent you a PM. :) I agree with Mags and NYCINDIE. this is NRE. It is not love. Not that it couldn't be eventually, but do not mix up hormones and drama and excitement for love.

Sorry sweets. (((HUGS)))) A counselor is a great idea. If nothing else so you can have somebody help you to deal with the feelings regarding the loss of trust and the lying. I think calling her might be a good idea. Let her know that the reason you and Sundance are having trouble isn't because...

Sorry I was unclear again! I did not think or mean to imply that you said that. It's jus a feeling I get from some people when they're talking to a mono person whose partner has introduced poly into the relationship. So sorry about that mix-up. I guess you could say monogamy Is automatic...

Awesome news for Butch!! :) And wickedly creepy about the picture. I had someone try to endear themselves to my children to get to my exhusband before. She wanted to be a little happy family with him and them. He was being an asshat, so I gave him to her. She thought she'd gotten the best part...

LOL, Mags I have noticed I use those all of the time and I'm starting to drive MYSELF crazy! Mags, I see your comparison as being a pretty good one. I'd only add that if the couple had come together and built their relationship based on shared religious beliefs (say Islam or Catholicism) that...