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Yeah, how did things go?! Yes. It's not a matter of saying "you're a liar, get out." But you do have to stop the acceptance of the lies and stop helping him rationalize the lies. Until that happens, you can't really progress anywhere because he'll continue to lie and you'll continue to not...

He said his wife is in therapy with him and therefore putting in the effort with their marriage. In regards to dealing with his relationship with the BFF, she agreed to them dating, allowed them to have a couple of dates, then said no, it's too weird (all in about a 3-month period) That's not...

Right. Because if you're just open-minded enough you will read all of the class materials and then suddenly the skies will open and a beaming bright light will shine down on you and you will suddenly become enlightened and of course poly will be the way to go. :p Hey, I am poly and have been...

Yes, my suggestion was that she needs to look at where her fears are coming from, instead of her kneejerk "I don't like it make it stop" reaction. I hardly see this as being any different advice than is given to most people here when beginning poly relationships (especially with already...

Ditto. It wasn't about him feeling bad for hurting you, it's about HIM feeling bad because you're hurt, and not wanting to feel bad about himself. It comes from fear, not love.

I definitely agree that it appears she's being hypocritical. It was all fine and good when she was the one developing a relationship and YOU were the one doing the work. Now she's having to do the work, and instead of digging deep, getting help, asking questions and doing some introspection...

It's great that Bud finally told Sally. And of course it was the lie that was the worst part. Finding out someone you love and trusted has been abusing that trust is devastating, and makes you see them in a different light forever, even if you go through the healing and mending. Having someone...

True. But this is why when you go to a therapist you say that you believe in polyamory/unconventional relationships and make sure they are welcoming to it, if not already experienced with the subject. :) It's like making sure your doc has the right specialty!

So happy it's Friday!!! I have yoga after work and then home to have a glass of vino and study for my final tomorrow at 9:00. Then me and the hubs are going to spend the day geocaching and hanging out, maybe a movie and dinner at home in the evening! Looking forward to a weekend (after tomorrow...

Yeah DH that's just wierd. NYCINDIE you're absolutely right in that she can't diagnose him and it will take a counselor or psychologist to officially be able to diagnose adhd. However.. (you knew I was going to say that!) the problem is that most people with ADHD do not get diagnosed as...

BU, It's great that you're doing some non-goal oriented touching. :) Have you looked into sensate focus? Basically, it's just that, non-goal oriented touching, and relaxing with your partner. If you get a chance to google it, I would, I think if nothing else it can be something you can do for...

Sometimes what poly does is open up our heads and hearts and shine a light on all of the stuff that's not healthy and has been hiding from us. This can be scary and unpleasant, and the first reaction and easiest thing to do is to stop doing poly so we can shove the unhealthy stuff back into the...

I do see that there really hasn't been enough time to adapt. Bangel still in the reaction phase. However at that point, to me, this is more of a "marriage broken/add more people" dilemma. Their marriage wasn't healthy enough to then add the stress/communication/adaptation needed to add poly to...

LOL, I was thinking just leave it there like it doesn't exist!

Oh, I most certainly think you see people who are fearful at first, but then do some soul searching and stepping outside their original box to find it fits them! I think struggling with a concept is good. It means you're looking it over and doing some soul-searching and questioning your...

Mags, I totally agree with you on many of the things you say here, but I have a basic disagreement with one part. I do agree that people definitely do change on a regular basis. This is life, and fighting it is most certainly pointless. Hopefully the people we choose to pair with either change...

Sorry. I'm sure I'm being unclear, but I do see a lot of threads where the basic question is, "I met someone, and want to be poly, and told my partner, but my partner is upset/distraught/angry. How do I make this work?" Also, I see more than a few threads where people are investigating poly, or...

Aw sweetie, I feel your pain for sure. Just something to consider... people with ADHD can very much resemble sociopaths, but they're not. They DO care deep down inside, they don't have zero feelings, but they are pretty emotionally immature and how they react to things seems very thoughtless...

I think that it's definitely up to him when to tell the kids. Just because it's been a year doesn't mean it's *time* to do it. It depends on a lot of elements-- how certain he is that things will last, how secure he feels in the relationship, his kids personalities and temperaments, the kids'...

Maybe knowing that this is a normal part of relationship growth helps? :) I know for me knowing that these are stages that happen in most relationships and having some ideas on how to work through them, handle them, or figure out what's up is super helpful. So that instead of feeling those...