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Feeling a bit lost, but not entirely in a bad way? Am taking a bit of a "sacred pause" as Tara Brach calls it in Radical self-acceptance. Have been letting go of actions and behaviors I use as shields to try to protect myself, and am just sitting a bit in the uncomfortableness, feeling the...

So this is going to sound a bit silly, but I am actually serious about the question. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about my life and myself and the way I go about things that seem to be based (at least partially) on how I was raised. My life has been fairly chaotic, fairly unstable...

LOL, yeah, no kidding!! You know another thing that's beeng going through my head-- not really poly related at all, just life stuff-- is what the HELL does it mean to be happy? I know that my whole life has been kind of chaotic, lots of moving, lots of starting over, lots of shaking up of...

Oh, no, I do not feel it's my responsibility to communicate stuff to her, it's definitely his. And I think we're all in agreement on that one. And I think he does tell her, just like I did. I just don't think she believes it "internally". LOL. He does hate being the "middle man" though. And I'm...

I can't really guess, but I know that I'm finding for myself that my intellectual thoughts on a matter and my emotional, visceral reactions can be quite different. For example, I am intellectually all on board with nonmonogamy. I have been for 16 years. But sometimes I get emotionally f-ed up...

Yes. Most of them. He felt bad about the fact that he was learning from fucking up with me. He knew it sucked for me and felt bad that it took him that long to figure it out. It's nice to hear... but then it doesn't ever change anything in the present. I don't know... I guess I just need to...

So things have been going well, yet interesting. :) Our vacay was lovely... basically just lots of lounging and relaxing, something that's really HARD for me to do as I have a base level of anxiety that is usually soothed by doing something. Coming back was hard and depressing. I've come to...

That's really nice! :) You know, listening is one of the hardest skills to learn. It seems so easy, but trying to listen *without judgement or anger* (as my counselor says) can be tough. Not interrupting, not seeing what they say from your point of view, but theirs... tough stuff! That's so...

It seems like at times things get moved to "new to polyamory" because the topic seems to have something to do with a new poly type "skill". I know that I had a thread that went to this section having to do with dealing with NRE, even though I've been non-monogamous for 15ish years... On the...

You know, that there is a period of time in the beginning of relationships where the hormones and brain chemicals are basically blinding us to who each other "really" are. Not that we don't see a lot of the real person, but it's all shiny and smooth, and even the not-so-nice stuff gets shoved...

Interesting. To me, though, starting a relationship like that means they never HAD any trust to begin with... so it's not as much recovering from that as trying to build trust where there is nothing. Regardless, I could make guesses all day as to what's going on with their relationship and that...

I'm going to guess that the reason she is so concerned with you and him being in love is because she (and he, and they together) have NOT fully worked through the past loss of trust issue. He lied and cheated on her with other people, and in some place she "accepted" that's what he needed and...

OK I'm calling bullshit on her behavior, sorry. I have hypothyroidism and my mom had thyroid cancer. Because my thyroid deteriorated over a period of 5 years, my endocrine system got more and more screwed up and my energy level was CRAP. This is not laziness-- THIS IS A MEDICAL ISSUE. Even after...

I second trying to find a community-based organization for counseling. Depending on your area, and if there are schools that offer counseling degrees, there will most likely be a free/no/low-cost clinic that will offer short-term counseling. If you'd like to PM me with your general area, I can...

+1. And kudos for the nice usage of twat! :)

I can only speak for myself, in that we all do things that come back at us in some way. We all screw up, we all make mistakes. Nobody "deserves" bad shit to happen to them, sometimes it just does. But when we cause a situation by dishonesty and then it's not a positive situation--because it was...

This is the part that hit me. And I will admit right now, honesty and trust are big-ticket items for me personally, so take this with a grain of salt. For me, personally... if I was with someone who, with my husband, broke boundaries we had established-- there would need to be a lot of work...

I don't know... I may love other people differently depending on what they need, but my love language doesn't change with each person I'm in a relationship with. It's the same whether it's a love relationship, friendship, family, etc. In order to feel loved and close with someone I require the...

I'm going to say this with toughlove and as someone with a hubs that sometimes does shitty things to people. You love him and accept him as he is. But he is NOT being a great guy, he is being an asshole. I've had to tell hubs sometimes when he does something crappy to someone else it makes me...

Having different love languages is expected and no biggie, really. :) The point is that some miscommunications happen when one person is trying to show they love the person in a way that doesn't communicate love for their partner. For example a man for whom "Acts of Service" is how he feels...