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I hear you on this. I guess I was coming from a place of knowing that I would never go so far as to encourage an affair. And from the assumption that as a cheatee, (a person that's being cheated with), I discovered afterwards about the other person. I am still processing everything I'm reading...

Crisare, by the term "cheatee," I meant the person who you're cheating with, not the person who's being cheated on. In other words, if you're faced with the choice to sleep with someone, knowing that they are cheating on someone else, whether or not you do it is a choice you make for yourself...

*sigh* This is so hard. Thanks for your perspective, River.

I posted in the personal blog section a while ago that I was struggling with this dilemma. The guy I'm dating has been seeing another guy long distance for the past year or so. When he and I hooked up, he didn't tell this guy about me. I've never cheated on anyone, never lied about my...

This is diverting a bit from a sex-positive/sex-negative thread, but here goes. I grew up learning that my body is my temple. Literally. My body houses my soul and allows me to move around in this 3rd dimensional space. So, what I put into my body is sacred, including food, thoughts, water...

So picky! LOLOL!!!

No, I hadn't realized that, I thought it was the other person. Kinda like the way I call people "weird"? It's definitely a compliment when I say it. I have found that making evaluations of other people, rather than observations tends to incite defensiveness. In a communications class I...

Wow. Thank you so much for posting your ideal relationship, Polynerdist. It's beautiful. It's giving me the courage to say exactly what's in my heart to those I want to partner with. I'm so touched by how others were moved to express themselves by your post. How delightful!

Sheesh, I teach one student and this thread's already filling up, y'all are so quick! LOL! I snagged on the word "picky" too. I'm not sure what the person was trying to say, but what I understood was that when other people talk about what makes sex a safe experience for them, this person...

This is very refreshing!! Oh goodie. Well, safe as I define it means using a condom, (unless all people are clean, tested and have agreements with each other, etc), being recently tested, having a discussion about previous sexual encounters. Safe also means emotionally safe. This is where it...

So clearly, my thoughts need to go in this thread. I asked about how your partners' relationships affect you and the more I type over there, the more I realize that a lot of what's bugging me is related to sex and a residual fear of it. A part of me - the University academic, social justice...

This sounds liberating. I'm glad that in some form or other, this issue is helpful to discuss. :)

Feelings are always rational. What we do about them is sometimes questionable. ;)

Hi faraday. Thanks for your post. I definitely appreciate where you're coming from. Thank you for showing me another spin on this. I appreciate that the choice you made was conscious and deliberate. And that you've taken steps to follow up with your choice, (getting tested, full disclosure to...

DrunkenPorcupine, what about the specifics do you disagree with? The essence of NVC has changed my life tremendously and I adore facilitating it with others.

Sounds like it might have been affecting your relationship(s) negatively, so maybe it's a good thing that it's in the past? Thanks for sharing the story. It's wonderful to explore these nooks in poly relationships and wonder, "Wow, how do I deal with that!" :)

Woah, this thread really needs some NVC. LOL!

It's not only about the herpes. It's about the lifestyle choice. polynerdist, you explained this exactly for me!! Thank you. This puts it in a very concise, manageable way. redpepper, the person you're talking about is a person outside of your family? (by family I mean mono, nerdist...)

Welcome.

Thanks for your reply Ciel. I was thinking more along the lines of everything non-sexual. (Sexually for me there's no compromise in that sense. If anywhere along the chain of partners there's any risk, I don't get involved.) But, I was thinking more along the lines of the stuff that goes along...