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I understand the honesty issue, but seriously, this sounds really hyper vigilant on your part, especially given that he has been one of her sexual partners. If it were me, I sure as heck wouldn't be doubting someone's trustworthiness under the circumstances you described.

While I agree with much of what Marcus said, I would add the caveat that it depends on the initial source of your dissatisfaction. If you had a bad week at work or something outside of you and your partner, it is terrific if he is present and willing to help you with it, but perhaps should not...

To me the toughest thing is watching someone we love suffer. Different situation from yours, but in being the Philosopher's confidant as he went through a 15 month divorce process, I found no way to completely shut off my emotions to each fresh assault his ex inflicted on him. That said, I had...

No, email is not cowardly; it's a very reasonable approach to expressing difficult issues clearly and logically. Sometimes trying to do the same in person, we can derail ourselves with emotion. And if you're concerned that he will see it as cowardly, just tell him that you are using emailing...

L0L! Sorry for making it more confusing. As for the woman in question, I would not be in a relationship with someone as active as she is - not due to the number of partners, but because of the issue of time as you previously mentioned. Not judging her. Just isn't my thing. I prefer very...

In my experience, there are two main reasons (that may overlap) that people do poly. First, some are fiercely autonomous. Their personal freedom is paramount at all times. This fits well with poly; not so well with monogamy. The second is that some are not merely capable of loving more than one...

You know, 9 months post divorce isn't that long. You are no doubt still hurting - grieving - from that experience. I imagine that if she hadn't approached you, you really wouldn't have been ready to seek someone new at this time. Of course, sometimes people fall into your lap like she did...

I agree with the others. If she has in fact said, I won't be able to handle two bfs and I may drop you in favor of the ex, I'd make the decision easy for her.

It sounds like you are simply fundamentally monogamous. There is nothing wrong with that! I would love to be able to help you achieve the acceptance of poly that you seek, but most people who come seeking help are already part way there - they get poly on a logical level, but are struggling...

I am impressed! It is very difficult to go against the societal grain so boldly and do what is logically best. The indoctrination runs so very deep, that even knowing better, people often cave to the emotional programming.

When flaws in a relationship are revealed through forming a bond with a non-spousal partner, then some people jump on the bandwagon and blame the new relationship. However if the same thing were to occur when a person decided to take a new and exciting job, choosing to follow their passion for...

Or it's unintentional. She may have believed with the "security" of veto power, she could permit the OP to be poly. Obviously, that has not been the case. Either way, she needs to put on her big girl panties and quit allowing herself partners that she denies to her bf. Frankly if I were his gf...

Unfortunately, people with personality disorders do not recognize they have a personality disorder, often refuse to consider the possibility, and are resistant to treatment. Often the way people with personality disorders come to the attention of the medical community is through extreme...

The issue I see in leading with the idea that you are gay is that people will mistakenly jump to the conclusion that you and your wife are headed for a break up. As Marcus pointed out, people often see sexuality in very black and white terms. I can tell that reaching the conclusion that you...

I was in a wmw sexual vee, emotional triad. But I am a woman. First off, you all may be jumping the gun a bit in wondering about a triad when you two don't even know each other yet. It will probably put a lot of pressure on everyone to have this goal of a triad hanging over the process of...

I think it is easy to miss things when a person is very stressed. I imagine that the OP probably feels that since this situation was forced upon her, that her personal space was invaded. May make it a little more difficult to see how the newcomer feels than in ordinary circumstances.

While I do understand the need for some privacy in our own head space - although honestly I am very open to intimate friends - the degree of "privacy" to the point that he is omitting information would be a barrier to mental and emotional intimacy within the relationship. His lies of omission...

Oh man, that situation really sucks. At the worst, he lied to you, and at the least he lied to himself about his ability to deal with poly. Without dwelling on the fucked up psychology that led him to think it was a good idea to marry someone whose worldview regarding love and sexuality was not...

On the communication issue, I try to be diligent in my replies out of courtesy. If someone is important to me and reaching out to communicate then I at least acknowledge the message even if I can't respond in depth. Usually something along the lines of: got your message, will respond at length...

OP, your gf sounds young (and I expect you are as well), could it be that due to inexperience with casual sex, she is simply curious? You are right the reality and the fantasy can be entirely different things. But right now you're gf has no way to reconcile the two. She has this fantasy, but...