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Perhaps I am unusual, but to me, intent matters a lot. It is plain that you did not fully understand the relationship rules. I see no intent to hurt her in your actions. As for not understanding the relationship rules, that is just as much on her as you. A relationship and its parameters are...

I've been living and sleeping alone on and off since I was widowed 4 years ago. And it will be some time yet before the Philosopher and I will be ready to share a residence. I have dealt with the issue in two ways: First off three cats. One or more usually sleeps with me. Is that same as...

I agree with the others; I would not be waiting around for him. We could assign a lot of reasons for this behavior - everything from a generous perspective like he doesn't know how to gracefully handle two relationships to being a selfish asshole who has a lot of gall asking you to wait around...

Hurt and anger are good ways to kill communication. Hurt and anger are good ways of not dealing with a situation. There is absolutely nothing wrong in Karen desiring monogamy and you desiring polyamory, but it would behoove you both to quit trying to coerce the other into being something...

Well, don't dismiss what you are feeling. I did too lomg to my detriment. It didn't help that the husband didn't see it. Not because he was in denial, but because their personal communication was so poor, and she often misled us both. You are a bit disadvantaged being so new to poly. I wasn't...

My best friend, the Philosopher, likes to point out how often people describe themselves as open-minded - oh except those one or two major things that are sacrosanct. Oh, so not reeeeally open-minded are we? A lot people say don't talk religion and politics. I say as long as I approach those...

What Loving Radiance said.

Oh ugh, I am sorry your for your loss. Yes, your grief is still going to be fresh and it will magnify issues. I was involved in a long term (over two decades long) FMF emotional triad, sexual vee. Our hinge died in August, and I got involved with a couple way too fast - the following January...

Perhaps, you should start a new thread specifically asking for positives and strategies to help it work? Your original post was not overly clear that it was positives your were looking for. While many people have had or witnessed bad experiences with triads - hence the reaction you received -...

I understand how an authentic relationship can form via electronic communication. That said, before you consider divorcing your husband as a means to get him to the US, I do suggest some face to face meetings first.

Btw, "facilitator or valued triad member?" It is all in how you look at it. From a mono perspective or a poly perspective. Nothing wrong with having either perspective, but each will tend to answer that question in a substantially different manner.

I tend to agree with the others - if you can't or don't want to function as poly, bow out. I understand that you love him, but given he would not leave his wife when he was unhappy in his marriage, it's seems very unlikely that he will choose to do so now. If you leave then either their...

I realize your question is primarily about our take on Jesus, but I am going to go off on a tangent.... :D What I fail to understand is why any devout Christian cares about what I believe to the point that my disbelief causes them pain and anger. I NEVER tell anyone what he should or should...

Well if he can't handle input from a bunch of strangers with some objectivity, I'm not sure it bodes well for the triad - they are going to need calmly and objectively handle a lot of things much more difficult than us! :p

If I could tell that he actually visits his FB page (I'm rather haphazard about it), I'd probably try to message him that way. Of course, I am your typical INTJ and can ponder the correct wording of a paragraph for an inordinate amount of time. :p Given your friendship 28 years ago, I bet he...

You asked about pitfalls, and people are giving you honest answers. I was in a live-in FMF emotional triad, sexual vee (neither of us are bisexual) that lasted over two decades. It came to an end when our hinge died. The next triad I was in lasted less than a year. I have seen both sides. The...

Jenlou, in regard to Susan having it together, being self-aware, etc., despite that, she may tolerate more than you think. I was with a couple (male was the Philosopher in my signature), and initially, before I moved in with them, it looked like their marriage was a good partnership. Upon...

I do not talk about relationship experiences with people I don't know well either. And I would hate to make an issue out of it early on as it might seem presumptuous concerning the other person's interest. So I don't think you made an error in not mentioning until there was some indication of...

So it sounds like JP had you to himself for a long time and now does not know how to share. (I realize you say M and JP butt heads, however from what you have written, it appears that JP is the one who is behaving like a jealous brat.) Are you seeing JP less than you did before M? Is it that he...

Betts4, it sounds to me like you went in with your eyes wide open, and knowing what you need from this relationship. That's awesome! I'm glad the evening went so well. :)