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The Philosopher and his now ex-wife were dabbling when I met him. Strangely enough, it was the ex who was promoting the experimentation, but she has zero skills in maintaining any relationship.

You have a lot of mono programming to undo. Consequently, you will have emotional reactions due to the programming that you logically know are unfounded. And there is where your strength lies - talking back to the unfounded, programmed fears. You may need your partners' help in doing so. Tell...

I can see where this could be a possibility. Understanding a concept like poly logically, and being able to apply it are two different things. I mean, I can logically see how a painting gets created, but can I do it? Nope. Giving A the benefit of the doubt, he unfortunately did not work to...

I often think if I can understand why a hurtful event occurred, it will speed the healing process, but it is just a modifier; not a cure. An emotional wound is much like a physical wound. It takes time to heal. You can't just understand a broken leg and have it magically knitted together. The...

Another part of communication is understanding what people are communicating back. Your gf has a right to not want the same thing that you do. She was honest and told you that. Wanting something different does not make her untrustworthy; she did not lie to you. At that point, you needed to honor...

A lot of time when we have been hurt, we make emotional generalizations. Those generalizations cause us to make rules like never having a poly relationship again in order to feel safe. It's overkill. What may help is to analyze what went wrong. Of course many avoid analyzing painful...

Well, look at it this way - the extroverts couldn't not talk to people. That's as natural to them as well, standing in the corner is to us. :p. So let me tell you what a really smart lady told me about networking: you never really have to talk about yourself - because most people at parties...

It's not a matter if your concerns are valid. You have them. Period. Best way to deal is to calmly communicate; don't be accusing. I never assume that someone is purposely dissing me, and 99% of the time I'm right. Usually the issue stems from a miscommunication, someone having their head up...

If I am understanding correctly, you are not talking about opening up your current relationship, but just trusting anyone in general?

Being able to talk to a stranger at a party is a skill that can be learned. I know because I have done it - the hard way. Took a job as a fiancial advisor because I love finance. What I failed to realize ahead of time is how much selling was involved. Because I chose to look at it as a...

Given the newness of your polyship, I don't think it hurts that you share with Rider your thought processes and concerns about his relationship with Claire. It's a learning curve. Rider being wrapped up in NRE in a mono relationship, ignoring everything and everybody else would be considered...

I am an introvert - which means spending a lot of time around large groups of people drains me. I prefer smaller, more intimate settings. This is introversion. Lack of confidence is another thing entirely. It is not the introversion that is holding you back; it is that lack of confidence. Do...

There is a difference in asking for what you need in relationship, and controlling the spouses other relationship.

Unfortunately, the OP did not come up with these desires and expectations on her own. D confided to her he felt a deeper connection; D brings their child around and encourages her interaction. He seems to have desires not shared by his wife. They need to get their shit figured out so the OP...

This is so typical. The one who is insecure, needy, demanding, gets the attention while the one who is understanding and secure is left to her own devices. In these situations, it is hoped that making such adjustments will prove to the needy that she need not feel so insecure, and give her...

I would be even more honest than that, and tell her that you thought you were ready to date, but that you aren't over your ex. It takes time LondonGuy. I was the third with a couple. They thought they had the usual run of the mill issues, nothing serious, had been together 13 years. When I...

Eviction laws depend on the state. Nonpayment in Nevada for example is dealt with swiftly and unceremoniously. California is a whole 'nother story.

WhatHappened is bringing up a valid consideration. Maybe C isn't really all that different from S. Sometimes what we are attracted to emotionally isn't necessarily what is good for us. The Philosopher was married to an emotionally abusive woman (with whom I was part of a short-lived triad)...

As for not telling you about her escapade with T while you were cruising with your wife, I might let that one slide given the circumstances - but I would not tolerate such behavior from this point forward. As for the lack of equality, that would be problematic. I take issue with those who set...

Two FMF triads. (Well, I called them triads, but although there was much love between the females, we were not sexual.) But yes the first one was 20 years - and ended due to death of the male, although she and I remain close. The second very short-lived. And no, I have not been in the position...