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Actually this BF was the first one she gave me a heads up BEFORE things got further along. Also, no, I've never felt the "growth" was worth the crap people are put through. It's like asking of victims of rape, molestation or violent assault if they thought it was worth it.

I would agree that sometimes there's a grey area / overlap between unhealty relationship practices and emotional abuse and they can get confused. I have to admit to a some personal bias as Wife also surprised me with the news she'd fallen for another guy online after the fact and I had the...

I'm going to vote for confession in both dilemmas. Dilemma #1: If this was an isolated event, one-night stand, old school romance just passing through, whatever, I think I'd opt for not saying anything but working DAMN hard to make amends to your partner for the betrayal, even if they're...

Re: Anne Frank, now I have Pinocchio's speech from Shrek 3 in my head. Nazi Officer: You can't lie! So tell me puppet... where... is... Anne Frank? Honest Person: Uh. Hmm, well, uh, I don't know where she's not Nazi Officer: You're telling me you don't know where Anne Frank is? Honest...

I think people have an inclination along the mono / non-mono relationship spectrum. (Does single / plural work better?) But I think a person can be plural inclined but CHOOSE to have affairs, or CHOOSE to be ethically plural. So my answer would be I think polyamorous is more of a choice as to...

Something in your posts have caught my attention. You mentioned fear of being replaced, and being insecure, as reasons for not agreeing with the separate female relationship. While I can certainly empathize with those fears, kowtowing to them tends to make them stronger. I'm mono, and while I...

http://felislunae.org/relationships-love/coming-clean/ This link has been posted before about going from cheating to polyamory and I think it's fitting. Keep in mind the author is very anti-cheating. I'm of the opinion that it's VERY hard (impossible) to go straight from cheating to...

Hello. I'm also a mono partner of a poly person, and I've honestly asked myself that same question. And like others have said, it's better to ask "Why am I in this relationship?" or even better, "What do I need/want from my relationships?" and "Am I getting it?" The bending for his benefit...

I'm coming at this from the POV of the reluctant mono. Wife surprised me with non-monogamy and, like your partner's GF, I felt like I was trapped between a partial relationship or Zero relationship. I chose partial and had to struggle with a lot of resentment. Some of which I'm still dealing...

Sadly, I think that would be even MORE of a scandal. People seem to be more understanding on infidelity and cheating than they are about ethical non-monogamy. It's like cheating is a person TRYING to be monogamous, they're just failing at it. Whereas polyamory is veering away from the...

I started reading it after Wife expressed an interest in being involved with other people and I think it's one of my favorite books re: polyamory. At the time, I thought it did a good job of explaining a lot of questions I didn't even know I had. No, I don't think it's a Holy Bible of...

London, there a lot of... energy coming through your posts. Obviously, some of NYCindie's choices have triggered some intense reactions. And you've expressed that, and become more determined that you will choose to behave differently yourself. Often that's all we can do. If you're going to...

From this thread: Sounds like "Well, cheating isn't all that bad." I don't disagree, if both the betrayed and betrayer want to do the work (of which the betrayer has the majority). It's not productive to keep beating Esther over the head just to punish her. He may have to express some...

I edited from "pro-cheating" to "cheating-tolerant". Better?

Disclaimer: I'm the mono husband of a cheating-to-polyamorous wife. We opted for reconciling. Some of my views may not be as cheating-tolerant as others. Graviton: I'm the husband of Vixtoria. I have some idea how shattering it is to be cheated on. I understand how you might be feeling. I hope...

Do you have any examples of this? LovingRadiance is the only one I'm aware of, and she described it as "hell." I'd love to see more examples of how people transition cheating into a healthy poly relationship.

My first thought was that, during this time of marital strain, having an extra relationship could be taking away resources that are needed to repair things between you and Esther. While Ruth is in the picture, there's not as much motivation to reconnect.

CAN this work? Yes. Going from cheating to "polyandry or nothing"? Not loving your chances. Good luck

Am I okay being a mono husband? Pretty much. I'm not ruling out future relationships, but right now I'm working on being comfortable in my current relationship. It would be unfair to seek to date someone as a "band-aid" for my discontent. One of the common pitfalls in non-monogamy is the...

Hi there. First of all, I'm the mono husband of a poly wife. We'd been married for years before she started having serious feelings for others and wanted to open our marriage. That said, there were a couple of points that caught my attention. This, more than anything, is a huge...