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Laughing Owl, thanks again (great name btw!) Josie, I'd be really interested in your thoughts/feelings as that happened: how did it start; how were things between you; what helped you come to 'enjoy the merits of poly'? Are you still mono yourself? etc... We're taking it very slow at...

Laughing Owl & Josie, Hi. That sounds both good, to use 'my time' to do something nice for her, both to help the transition and just it'll be nice to show my appreciation as well. We've got a session tomorrow to look at what we want/boundaries etc- a big day for both of us! It's very new...

thanks Nllswing, good advice I'll take it on board

Hi all, just wanting to update and touch base; we've been going to the couple therapy since Jan which has been quite a journey (!!!) and a very good experience for both of us. We are now talking about opening our relationship to agree to me having other sexual partners, gf still doesn't like the...

Speaking as a man, it sounds like you have a great thing going. I get his 'compartmentalising' (i.e., together once a week, not much communication between, keeping her passive-aggression off limits). I'm not sure whether it's 'healthy,' but very understandable, and if you're ok with it, then I'd...

P.S. I don't feel as confident/expert as I might sound! just read your last posts and it sounds like you're doing great. Good luck.

Thanks, Newtoday, Personally, I think you need to check out your 'status' with him; would he value/defend/sustain your relationship if Julie does open sexually with him again? I'm not suggesting he wouldn't, but I think you are wise to be unsure. Quite possibly, he/you won't know until it...

competition "Love and sex are not a competition"...? Reading this set off alarm bells and gave me a bit of an "Aha!" moment. Love isn't inherently competitive, but I'm pretty sure sex is, or at least contains a strong element of competition. Watch people at a nightclub, read Lyall Watkins' Dark...

jasminegld, redpepper, yup good idea to give her the polymono link, she could do with the kind of discussion and support that I've got here and better if it's private (ie me not reading it) So far I'm still holding back, both wanting to give us time to reflect on what has happened and what we...

Where's the "like" button? ;)

Awakeandready, I've had very little experience with all of this. But I just want to say congratulations to both of you on what sounds like a wonderful marriage, where your acceptance and love shines through the anger/jealousy/insecurities that have reared up. It really moved me. Good luck to...

Thanks, good advice/food for thought from all three of you: Ray, yes I've heard before that ex's tend to be a loaded situation but I think not particularly in this case. She was more a lover/"fuck buddy" than "partner" which was why I chose her now ie she wouldn't be felt as a threat to our...

Hi, I've been in a monogamous relationship for the last three years. Though I wanted us to try poly my girlfriend has been very much against it. This has been an issue between us through a lot of very good intimate conversations, more so as she has a much lower sex drive than me. Then...

skype therapy? Hi, I don't know if 'skype therapy' is available, being a bit of a technophobe and coming from a relational perspective I'd be a little suspicious of a therapy where the therapist & client aren't actually present to each other. Maybe it exists and maybe it is useful to...

hi, anyone know why I keep having to re-log in everytime I try to post? seem to get timed-out and logged-out while reading discussions and then lose the answer I've written...

Hi Joyful... A thought from my perspective both as a therapist and someone who has had difficult experiences (as a client) in couple therapy. I'm not sure trusting your 'instincts' is always reliable-if someone is challenging a defense in you it's quite natural for your 'instinct' to...

Hi Redpepper et al, first time on this site-great to see genuine discussion! Yep I too really like your host/guest analogy BUT I think there's a shadow side to our 'universal need for connection' (belonging/love) which is our equally basic need for separation...