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Have you and she taken the time to heal from the affair? Jumping straight into poly is a lot, and often doesn't happen easily because of the breach in trust (which starts everything off in less-than-ideal circumstances). That's not saying it can't happen, and we have members here in very...

JD, welcome! Kevin will, hopefully, be along shortly with a great list of resources for you. In the meantime: -Can you articulate what you are scared of, exactly? The first step in addressing the issue is getting specific about it. Are you worried she'll leave you? That it will make her love...

Um...Why in the world would they get "married?" This has, according to the OP, been going on a couple of months. I'm going to say that is a horrible idea (also, in many states, illegal even if not submitted to the state, and occasionally enforced--so, research first!. No one should get married...

Welcome! There is no hard-and-fast glossary of terms, though the one commonly accepted here is, generally, what you'll hear most in the poly communities I am aware of. Poly, like all relationships, are what you want them to be. There are no "rules" other than what the participants themselves...

As always, GalaGirl is spot on. I also wanted to address this, in particular, because I am wondering why, specifically, your focus is on your body? I ask this because, as women, there is a LOT of pressure on us to look a certain (and often urealisti) way, especially as we age. Is the feeling of...

Triads that just happen seem to be the ones that work out the best, and I don't think the term "Unicorn Hunters" applies to that in any way. I can see how the overwhelming number of those that are "hunting," both here and IRL, possibly makes it difficult to get real advice on a more natural...

You may be poly, but you are also a subset of that called, I'll admit not flatteringly, "unicorn hunters." Please do a search here for more information on this, and read So Someone Called you a Unicorn Hunter. Do the research before making this decision and pursuing a woman (this is the...

I am so, so sorry. Yep, sounds like emotional blackmail,and she knows exactly how to push his buttons. Seriously, it's like reading my own posts. Waiting for her to be medicated just, IMHO, gives her reason to not do so. If she knows the end of that road is divorce and she doesn't want...

So, I am confused. Let me see if I this is accurate: 1. You're poly, but your meta--someone you, yourself, are not having sex with: -has to get your approval to have sex with someone besides your mutal partner? -has to ask you to have specific kinds of sex? 2. Your...

It's like you have the same person in your life that I finally got rid of from mine :(. Ugh. So sorry you are dealing with this. As a word of advice, when someone threatens self harm, the correct thing to do is call the authorities and report it. If they're serious, then they can be given...

And your GF's feelings in all this? How will you handle your breakup with her, and does she see it coming? I agree, so many couples open up when they just aren't ready, because the fantasy sounds so enticing. And so many people get hurt. When I was interested in finding more partners, I got a...

I see a few things you two will want to work out before opening your relationship: 1. Non-monogamy, including poly, doesn't necessarily mean no commitment. If you read the blogs and posts here, you'll find that, in fact, commitment of varying types and degrees are part of many poly...

Whether it's cheating or not depends on your agreements with your GF. Have that conversation, and be specific. Never assume, so outright ask her what she expects, wants, what she considers "cheating," etc. Tell her your feelings on this, including what you consider "intimacy," both physical and...

I agree. I'd actually be more leery of becoming involved with someone who had a history of many poly relationships that ended badly than someone new to poly who had done the research and self-work but had no or few poly relationships.

No, you can't use excuses, and it is good that you know that. Did you tell your wife you'd broken your agreement as soon as it happened, and before resuming intimacy with your wife? If I were your wife, my boundary would that, since you had unprotected sex without testing, there would be no...

That sounds more like swinging, or open, which is fine. Just, as others say, not poly. The other thing you both may want to consider is the privacy of the other person involved. Does he tell that person, up front, that they are essentially porn/fantasy fodder, and details will be shared? That...

Been there, done that--almost exactly, actually--and it definitely sucks. There's not a lot you can do about it--you can't control other people's reactions or their desired take on reality. My ex's family, as well as my ex, pretty much completely blame me for the divorce, despite mountains of...

Sorry for the hiatus. I was celebrating the holidays, and also working a lot. I'm glad you decided to leave things for now. Hopefully, your gentleman will talk to his wife, and they can find a way for him to meet his needs, which it sounds like might be something she simply cannot do right...

I swear I've read this plot in a Sookie Stackhouse novel... I am not kink shaming--whatever floats someone's boat, as long as all parties are legal and consenting, is fine with me, so long as it doesn't impact me. This is clearly impacting you. If your husband wants TPE (which is what it sounds...

If he's not telling his wife, then sex with you (and, possibly other things, depending on their understandings) is cheating. In which case, most of us here are going to give you the same advice: stop the relationship and let him work out his shit before getting involved. It is unethical to do...