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I suppose the same thing that I would do if being with anybody sexually didn’t work...see if it can be worked on or if we are incompatible. I think the thing that would be confusing for me in this situation would be that I wouldn’t know if it was a signal that I am not really interested in...

I guess if I am being honest with myself, no. I have gained no additional clarity for how this will look or feel.... I think she seems pretty good at respecting and communicating about boundaries, though. And that gives me some confidence that we can figure out a balance as we go along.

Update on my blog: http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showpost.php?p=424914&postcount=253

New and Shiny I had a date with someone new last night. She is adorable. We talked and ate for about 4 hours — transitioning from one location for dinner to another for dessert. I wanted to kiss her at the end of the evening and she declined, saying that she wanted me to be more sure of my...

I think a lot depends on how messy your sex is.... With condoms and clean bodies, I honestly don’t see the purpose of changing sheets between every partner. Unless, of course, you actually see fluids on them. But the two partners that I have sex with most often also have had sex with each...

Actually, I don’t even know that it is NRE that I am after....I just like talking to people and knowing that they are excited to talk to me too. I like finding common interests and having those “OMG s/he is MY SOUL MATE!” moments. I like being pursued and desired. Basically I like making new...

Agreed. While I have personally never encountered a partner who had an issue with period sex, the assertion that all men will “want to have sex whenever he can” is ridiculous. Men are humans and humans sometimes don’t want to have sex.

I am having a difficult time knowing where to stop when it comes to polyamory. I have three partners — a husband and two boyfriends. Despite feeling pretty busy and without room for additional partners, I have been swiping around on OkCupid lately, just out of curiosity and because I felt like...

A couple things: 1. It is totally reasonable for him to “not like the idea” of you dating someone else, but ultimately he needs to deal with that himself. Depending on how vocal he is being about “not liking that idea,” this could be a huge red flag, or it could just be him reacting and not...

ElMango, thanks for clearing up your signature — I have a much clearer understanding of the relationships now — that the boundary originated with Z because at the time he was your only partner (and husband) and that the rule extended to relationships of J’s because it was something that J agreed...

Can you explain a little more about why this boundary is important? I understand that you all agreed to it, but what purpose does it serve to refrain from intimacy every time unless you have checked with all partners in advance? If I am understanding correctly, this is a boundary that was put...

Honestly, it sounds like you are the one holding back love and commitment here. You say that you have always thought of this as temporary — is that something he understands? Because using someone as a placeholder is a sucky thing to do. I would be crushed if my boyfriend were only using me as...

It is good of her to think of this ahead of time, but I would still try it for now and then ask her for a referral to someone else — another MFT who can be more objective. My boyfriend and I both have individual therapists who work well for us, but when it came time to really dig in together we...

I so sorry you are going through this. One of my partners is in a similar position. His mental health was tanking and it was clear that our relationship was not healthy for him. We very nearly broke up, but decided to see a therapist together first. Our therapist had helped us work through...

The Baby Is Here The baby was born this morning. I am super happy and excited. So happy and excited, in fact, that I talked about it in vague terms at work. I was teaching a workshop and many of the people I was interacting with today were not people I knew at all and so I kept things...

I totally agree that it can be really tricky to navigate. Whiskers’s wife (Curleycue) seems like someone I would really like to get to know. But I struggle with how to act around her — sometimes I feel like we could be best friends , but we aren’t there and I have to remind myself not to act...

Bittersweet Yesterday I saw Whiskers for the last time before the baby is born. And I feel so ....emotional. Not so much anxiety now as much as....bittersweetnsss. I’m just very aware of the fact that very soon his life is going to change so dramatically. It isn’t his first baby, but (in my...

Yeah, that’s what I try to do now. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Just to clarify, if my previous post was unclear: I don’t think any of this is Whiskers’s or Curleycue’s responsibility. All of this is my internal anxiety. What my therapist is talking about as far as not letting it impact them is just being aware of my feelings and how they manifest...

Owning my feelings I spent some time in therapy today crying. We were talking about how I am so anxious about Whiskers’ baby’s impending birth. How my fears about pregnancy and infant loss as well as my own experience with postpartum depression are manifesting themselves as an intense desire to...