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I should add that one of my partners would probably agree with Mags. They like for agreements to be set in stone. I know this about them and am not likely to poke at that preference over a week of at-home nights, without extenuating circumstances. But for me? I have no problem with a request to...

I disagree. if they just went and stayed overnight without discussing it, that would seem like breaking the agreement. Or if the agreement were "we won't even discuss sleepovers for a week." (And this is all assuming there wasn't a miscommunication in forming the original agreement.) In the...

I'm with Marcus. I will point out that negotiating child care, vehicle/home use, or other shared responsibilities with another partner isn't the same as permission/prohibition. My nesting partner has to be consulted on, or at the very least pointed to, calendar additions. My co-parents need...

"Group marriage" and "harem" may be your next search terms. The only example of a large group like that which I remember reading about in the forums turned out to be a hoax - someone was trying to play off their fantasy as their actual day to day life. Maybe there were two of those in recent...

Hi, Crazy, and welcome. Are you hoping to form a triad (where the two men are involved at some level with each other, or just want to date two men separately? Or are you just looking for some threesome fun, perhaps with a stable pair of sex partners. Your wording sounds like you want a tidy...

Welcome, Voyager. It sounds like you and your wife (give her a name when you get the chance) have talked a lot and made some agreements about what is and is not mutually acceptable in your exploration of open relationships. Keep the conversation going … it’s a good bet you haven’t thought of...

Hi, Kparr, and welcome! If you are still able to edit your post, would you be willing to put a few paragraph breaks in, to help us with reading and understanding the division of the various topics you’ve presented? A good practice as well is to assign an alias (not just an initial) to each...

Before you bring up poly again, you might want to decide if you need poly more than you want this (monogamous) marriage. Because bringing it up is going to change things. Like Marcus said, a worry that he won't react nicely sounds like you've married someone who isn't going to support your...

It sounds like you've done a lot of thinking within yourself and working with your partner to get to where he is okay with (or at least you have an agreement about) you seeking a relationship with a woman. Your story worries me a bit in that I wonder how much say your partner will have along...

Hi, Surfer! It sounds like you have a very enjoyable relationship growing. Congratulations, and I wish you lots of love and learning. As you will no doubt hear, here and from your partner and other poly folk, there is no rule book about what is poly (or “normal poly”) and what isn’t. The people...

I feel so hopeful when I see so many young people embracing and celebrating (for themselves and others) lots of different identities and orientations. I think they will drag the world forward regarding relationships. But what a huge bummer for you, to be so supportive of friends’ “normal”...

SlowPoly • hinge in an open V living between two homes • parallel partners, kitchen table kids Mitch • life partner • co-parent • former LDR comet Woof • life partner • co-parent • former spouse

I’m just gonna pull out some bits and put “…” between them, and add some emphasis. I think the Michael you want to spend the rest of your life with doesn’t exist. You want a Michael who is okay with polyamory, and you don’t have a Michael who is okay with polyamory. He seems to want a Laura...

That’s exactly it, Kevin. Interestingly, Albuquerque has a very special “box” of air layers with different temperatures and wind direction which sometimes makes it so balloons can take off, fly around, and land very close to where they took off. I love and miss seeing all the balloons. Many of...

I misunderstood about your current FWB situation, and didn’t realize (a) it’s ongoing, and (b) it’s sexually monogamous? I think it would be really good for you to terminate the “benefits” and get out of that living situation ASAP so you can feel free to pursue fulfilling relationships (and...

Yes, it’s a good fantasy! Keep it, and enjoy it! As far as creating relationships in real life, my guess is you aren’t going to be able to “find” two best friends, looking for a partner to share, who happen to also both have sparks and long term commitment feels with you. But if that’s your...

The idea that anyone thinks they have a right to know where I sleep or whose bits I’m naked with … just 🤯 To be fair, the whole concept of marriage has convinced people for generations that they have the right to that information. But yeesh. Asking?

Where are you hearing so much about what metamour thinks about you? If it’s from metamour directly, you might consider communicating less with metamour. It doesn’t sound like friendship is happening between you, and that’s okay! If it’s from your mutual partner (called the “hinge” of the V...

GG, I haven’t been on for a while, and I don’t remember you using this specific phrasing, but it is *perfect.* I am going to start using it, and want to attribute it properly. Yours? Or someone almost as smart as you? Also, you have the best resources and give amazing advice.

I don’t think anyone disputes that different words might mean different things to different people. Most of us take that as a reason *not* to tell other people their ways of using certain words to identify themselves is wrong. You called our claims to poly identity unreasonable: You said “it...