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My opinion is that this is a terrible idea, unless the friend already babysits on a regular basis, and is enthusiastic about continuing. Otherwise, this would add a complex additional layer to the relationship with friend, a relationship that is already in the midst of huge change. Besides all...

100% with Dagferi. Matt’s behavior is way off the chart of “stuff to try to work out” for me. In other circumstances, a before-the-fact talk about “messy people” might be in order, to give everyone a chance to anticipate and avoid this kind of problem. But again. Matt’s behavior is...

None that I know of. When the teens were younger, there were sometimes questions, and they were answered. I'm fairly certain that "Wait till you hear how weird my parents are" provided a little social capital when they were preteens, but it was a big yawn as they became teens. They totally get...

You said you requested that it no longer happen, and that G still "feels the need" to still read the texts. So, your request wasn't agreed to, T continued to allow the access, and you dialled back to "business like." I don't think you've been violated. Your initial privacy request was not agreed...

Starz, “In our community” your needs aren’t selfish — they’re just your needs. Honesty and care in relationships are fairly universal needs. I am with everyone else here. You need to stop “trying” with this person who doesn’t treat you with care and respect. You don’t need to keep trying become...

I actually read this... ...to suggest that ODF and Jay share a room in a larger group home/roommate situation (perhaps with their triad partner?). Being poly doesn't create the time, space, and other resources to do poly. When resources are shared (whether by necessity or preference), there...

I use “life partner” to distinguish from “business partner” without the awkward dance of a request for clarification and a response. Yes, it also (for me) implies a mutual intention of lifelong care and support. I don’t see that as a claim to superiority any more than saying “friend,”...

I’m not surprised they got slammed. Their situation not only flouts homophobia and monogamania, but mainstream matrimania, which somehow seems even more entrenched than the other two. Within the relationship, “divorce on principle” is a powerful action: it torpedoes couple privilege. But...

This is integrity and being good to yourself. Awesome job. It’s all about learning, better and better, and as we change, what we want. You seem to be doing so well. Your wants aren’t foolish. I think *many* people prefer to have sex with people within a caring emotional relationship. Being...

Well, that’s an interesting turn of events. I deleted a paragraph from my last reply about my curiosity as to whether your girlfriend would allow you to seek a long-term relationship, to explore the possibility of the V becoming an N or W or zigzag, etc. I thought that line of thought wouldn’t...

Have you texted her?

I know you've already had a clarifying talk with your girlfriend, but FWIW, Only you two know what you can honestly offer and feel okay about, as far as polyamory at all, or OPP. A V is a great relationship. I've been in one for ... I guess about nine years now. It's...

People are suggesting things you might consider in working toward solving your problem. You seem quite pleased when the suggestions fit your view of yourself and relationships, and quite annoyed when they don't. If you already know what you want and need, I'm not sure what you're doing here. If...

So you are *not* okay with that. Could ask for things to slow down while you work, on your own and together, to learn what "poly" means to both of you, and if there are agreements that can get you both what you need. Is sex outside the relationship something you actually want, or are you just...

I keep imagining theatrical pearl-clutching when you say your partner and meta are “shocked” at your suggestions. How has this shock been communicated? Why are you concerned about the source of their shocked reaction? Could you simply *hear* their communications about their preferences and...

Yeah. “Systemic racism” is a lot bigger than whatever white people feel when in the local minority. I’ve lived where my whiteness wasn’t appreciated. It sucked. But it wasn’t anything like the generations of cradle to grave oppression minorities in the US have faced.

Mitch and I went from 3000 mile correspondence, to once-a-year LDR, then increasing visits, then to 100 mile not-so-LDR with every-two-weeks visits, to part-time nesting partners (and co-parents). That happened over about six years. (We had known each other 15-20 years before all that, but had...

Michaels, I know nothing of your character. All I know of your situation is what you’ve written, and I quoted what jumped out at me as describing an extreme hierarchy with you at the top. If you merely *find* yourself there and are willing to abdicate and try a more egalitarian approach, you...

I'm not sure what process you are trying to lead here - building some kind of personal monarchy? Founding a household based on canine culture? In polyamory, ideally, the people involved in a relationship get together and listen to each other's needs and see if they can come up with agreements...

I don't offer "best, first, and most" ranking to either of my partners (or anyone else in my family), so I don't expect my partners to hold a space like that for me. As long as they hold up their respective ends of the co-parenting sticks (to use Galagirl's metaphor), it doesn't matter where I...