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I don’t think introducing any kind of polyamory is going to improve your life right now. I think you need to sort out self and marriage and family before trying to add more people (into strictly defined roles). Enjoy your kinks and fantasies, but also work with a professional to unpack the...

I agree with all the advice that’s been shared, and just want to add my voice to the chorus of “Do not end nourishing relationships because someone is hurting and wants to punish/control/monopolize you.” I’m sorry your husband is hurting, but that doesn’t make it okay for him to make...

It sounds like you are in a V, with your wife as the hinge. Something happening over on that side of the relationship is impacting your side. Do you mean your wife and her boyfriend are making agreements between themselves about their relationship, without checking with you? (This would be...

It sounds very normal to be sad when your partner is going through something that’s making them very down. “Incredibly depressed” might mean you’ve got other stuff going on than just caring about your partner’s pain. Or it might just be the way you process this kind of grief? Either way, the...

When you say “who was to become” are you declaring a fact with narrative style, or are you saying there was prescribed hierarchy in your relating, with Annette as primary? Was this kind of option discussed when you decided to try open relationship? Did you and Annette agree that she (or either...

SlowPoly aspires to relationship anarchy, but people see us as a V.

It sounds like *your* ground rules didn’t end up working for your wife. So, it sounds like it’s time to re-negotiate. Evaluate everyone’s needs. Consider your own best alternatives, if you can’t have the kind of control over her relationships that your prior agreements seemed to allow. It can...

Hey, Bluebird! I still pop in every few or many months to read the latest (if not every post since I was last here). I love knowing how you are doing. I am so relieved when your struggles resolve, so impressed by your diligence and planning. You rock, your family is unique and adorable, and your...

In this case would 100% take my money and invest in a vacation with both loves (if they want that) separate from extended family of origin. I’m not one to push back when someone is pointedly not invited. I’d worry that if they’re even a little against someone being included, every little...

I’m really, really sorry you’re going through this, and I mean this in the kindest way possible: Your friends are right that you need to leave the marriage and (if necessary) the parents. You need to do all that without the distraction of negotiating your first healthy relationship with M...

It's been over four years (and a global pandemic timewarp) since I posted an update, so, here goes. Mitch, Little One, and I are still living about two hours from Woof and the older kids (who are all adults now, but still live with their dad when not away at college). Little One is 7 and...

You look so good, BlueBird!! Just popped in to see your latest, and I just love seeing your happy face, your beautiful family, and your thriving charity. And the O-line at the zoo - nobody was using it last time I was playing tourist in DC. :\ Happy travels!!

Here’s the post I wrote less than a year after our divorce: Thread 'Divorce on principle' https://polyamory.com/threads/divorce-on-principle.70464/ We had a pretty good discussion in that thread.

Some people split shared costs proportionately with income. Just a side thought for the changes going on in your lives. There are ways to support each other without marriage. (I did that!) I got “unmarried” after 17 years of legal marriage (and three kids) in order to have more autonomy and...

Galagirl gives great advice, as usual. I want to say that you seem very clear about your preferences and comfortable with them as far as not needing to “grow” to meet someone else’s rather different way of doing poly. Your “okay with ktp but not hosting” and other preferences resonate with me...

Or even if women have equal access to the independence, education, jobs, and other resources that allow men to aspire to wealth?

Unsolicited advice incoming: paragraph breaks would make it easier to read your story.

So, you're not interested in statistics ... what kind of information are you wanting, here? You're experienced in relationships, and you know that "marriage" usually implies long term commitment, and you know that you and she can and should define the commitments that you would be making. Will...

Apologies, Magdlyn. I was elaborating on my partner's preferences, not trying to generalize yours.

Ugh. I'm so glad this is before the sex feelings complicated things. I'm sorry they had to learn this about their relationship with you as the catalyst. Such a bummer. {{all the hugs}}