Reintroduced to Poly

a_king_is_born

New member
It has been awhile since I was in a poly relationship, I am the secondary in this situation.
She is married but she has brought up me and her getting ‘married’ (not in the legal sense of course) , how common is this nowadays?
 
Commitment ceremonies of some form are certainly done, but I don't think there are any actual statistics about them or any way to class these things as common or uncommon. Why do you ask?
 
I was not necessarily looking for a ‘statistic’ , I only ask because some have told me some of the rules have changed over time (keep in mind , it’s been almost 15 years since my last relationship) so I guess I am just playing ‘catch-up’
 
I was not necessarily looking for a ‘statistic’ , I only ask because some have told me some of the rules have changed over time (keep in mind , it’s been almost 15 years since my last relationship) so I guess I am just playing ‘catch-up’
What rules did you have 15 years ago?
 
Hello a_king_is_born,

Handfastings and other commitment ceremonies are fairly common, in poly at least. Google "handfasting" and "commitment ceremony" and see what turns up. You can also do a search on this forum, I'm sure we have threads on the subject though they may be a few years old. My two poly companions and I did a commitment ceremony in 2009, if you have any questions about it, I will be happy to answer.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
I was not necessarily looking for a ‘statistic’ , I only ask because some have told me some of the rules have changed over time (keep in mind , it’s been almost 15 years since my last relationship) so I guess I am just playing ‘catch-up’

If by rules you mean laws, they vary based on your specific location.
 
It has been awhile since I was in a poly relationship, I am the secondary in this situation.
She is married but she has brought up me and her getting ‘married’ (not in the legal sense of course) , how common is this nowadays?
So, you're not interested in statistics ... what kind of information are you wanting, here? You're experienced in relationships, and you know that "marriage" usually implies long term commitment, and you know that you and she can and should define the commitments that you would be making. Will people look at you funny for saying you're "married" to someone who is legally married to someone else? Yes, but probably not most poly people.

Secondary status but also being "married" sounds a bit unusual to me (usually "marriage" would imply primary or co-primary status, but again, this is just a general impression, not a rule).

Is this a new relationship? I would say getting "married" before you have gotten past the NRE phase (mono or poly) is probably not the best idea. But that's not a rule. Just motherly advice.
 
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