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I think your concern about preserving your relationship with Martin is misplaced, as he seems not that into you. Chase and his complete dependence are worrying, and I think that's an issue that needs attention. In light of that, Isaac's pre-cancerous HPV and its implications seem like a side...

But sex can be important to her without her "loosening up." Or it can be important to her because it's clear that it's important to you. Or it can be important to her because she sees it as a requirement of staying married even though if that weren't at issue, she might have different...

You don't have a right to use f someone else's body. Ever. In other areas, I hear people saying that what you can ask should be proportional to what you can offer. The board is supportive of people being free to have their emotional needs met through a variety of strategies. You and your...

Refusing to join you in hating your wife's sexual needs and desires. They appear to be the needs of someone who's pretty uncomfortable with her body and her partner, and that's tragic, but they aren't wrong. You don't have some kind of right to have sex with your wife with the blankets off and...

That's an issue for a therapist. External validation is never going to sufficiently fill an internal hole.

Polygone also speaks of his relationship as being "more than half" of his life, which caps his age at 46-ish. Exactly what social conditions pertain to him is an open question. Sometimes quietly cheating is the compassionate option, but it requires thoughtful management.

Stick with your boundary and then some. That was abusive behavior.

So... how old is Polygone, and at what age might some other poster suggest that he does seem, in his cheating, to be big rather unkind to his wife?

There are lots of ways to find out what your partner wants, for sure. Like observing her choices and actions. Or talking to her and asking. You aren't having a not-real relationship with your girlfriend now, but if you ended your marriage, she might not have any more time for you than she...

One possibility that hasn't been brought up yet is that your partner may prefer her relationships to be bad. As long as her partners are a certain amount unavailable, unreliable or otherwise unsustainable, she can avoid certain kinds of introspection. The relationships you've mentioned your...

How is this a good relationship? What parts of it are good? What do you like about her? What do you enjoy doing with her? Because what you've described here is a sexually unsatisfying relationship with someone you call a control freak. To whom you are constantly lying. I'm not seeing the...

A breakup will not kill you. It will hurt - maybe a lot. It will suck. But breakups happen every day, people survive them, and you would too. Going in with the notion that you can't break up - no matter what the reason for that is - makes you vulnerable to some horrible things. I don't...

Where are you getting this notion that you're "emotionally stunted"? You've used the phrase twice now, and I don't think it's helping. I also don't think it's true. There isn't really a "should" in feelings. You feel how you feel. There are no rules about that. There are standards for how...

I may be the one person who believes that the husband and the babysitter haven't had sex. I think if they had gone to bed, there's a solid chance that husband would have started to get this out of his system by now. In the heady, lusty, pre-sex stage of a relationship, many things appear...

Oh just no. They have been doing whatever they are doing for three weeks. That is far too soon to rationally discuss life-changing plans like moving in together or having a baby. It's so massively new! It could absolutely fall apart because of something *really* basic, like they have huge...

I think the thing that you could do about your secondary partner is just tell her that you can't support her obsession. Stop going to poly meetups that she attends in the hopes of meeting the guy you don't like there. Don't facilitate. When she comes to you with complaints about jerk, point...

I was trying not to be too presumptuous or alarming, but I strongly agree with GalaGirl here.

There's a way through this, but it does not involve adding a third to your marriage without a lot more consideration. Also, let me be clear, divorce *is* one way through this. Divorce is a very big, scary thing, and sometimes it is what needs to happen, for the happiness of everyone...

Is the advice that the monogamous would give you that you should focus on your own primary relationship? That is actually sound advice.

I'm going to go with no to all of the above. In my opinion, the answer to all of your questions is no. Your secondary partner is an adult. She is responsible for her own well-being and her own choices. It is not appropriate for you to manipulate her, mistreat her, or otherwise mess with...