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I'm sorry this happened. As far as I understand it, the agreement was a few dates for a vibes check, hook up for no-strings casual sex, and then end it. While she did not hook up in person, she did not end it. They started doing cybersex/phone sex/texting/swapping nudes. It is not platonic and...

What does that mean? Because if she's having people over for pizza and a movie, you helping to vac the living room or help set out plates and cups that she bought is one thing. You doing all her planning for her? That's something else. YKWIM? Galagirl

It's okay to say, "No, thanks. I don't want another roomie. You can find other ways to address your loneliness and other ways to help your FWB out," because she can. She can work on getting out and about and start getting to know more people. She can buy her FWB groceries once in a while, or...

Glad you blocked Fern on all the things. Be done with Fern. Rather than try to quell your anger, do you need Daisy to actually acknowledge your anger and the impact this all had on the (you + Daisy) relationship? Like actually face it with you, rather than avoid or stuff it under a rug? Do...

Personal ethics are personal. A person gets to decide where they lie. You don't think Fern abusing Daisy is a good enough reason for Daisy to dump Fern? All anyone needs to say to break up is, "I don't want to do this anymore." It doesn't have to go out to abuse/manipulation levels. Just say...

Who is "she" in that sentence? Daisy is across the pond, pays for nothing, insults you, etc.? Or is FERN doing those things to you? Is this a case of Fern abuses Daisy and then Daisy abuses you? I think you could stop prioritizing your "poly ideals" and prioritize safety, because this is not...

SHORT VERSION If you mean going on like this causes you great pain, I'm sorry. Please stop going on like this. Remove yourself from this situation. If you are thinking about suicide, please call a helpline or check into the hospital. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines...

I think you each will have your own experience of it, and you have to accept that different people have different experiences, even at the same event. You might find the rock concert awesome. I might find it a sensory nightmare. Still the same venue, same concert. I think what is sustainable...

I don't know if this helps you any. You don't have to do this much emotional labor. He's oversharing. It's one thing to mention people in his life briefly, but if he's making dates be [you sitting around listening to him go on and on about (him + her) problems] then that's not a fun date for...

I'm sorry all this is happening. It's hard to give feedback when your post is so sparse. Just some reflection questions to try to help you. Don't feel like you have to answer them all here. You do not have to answer any, just maybe think on some of them. Are you both using words the same way...

It's ok to cancel both of those and do a friend break up. Skip the long hugs and "I love you's" you don't really seem to want to do. Just a basic "Hi. I need to cancel our walks. I enjoyed getting to know you but this isn't really working for me. I wish you well." It's polite enough...

I don't know if this helps you any. To me, you seem to see clearly enough. Because you are anxiously attached, and have a handful of friends, this charming person entered your life and had you mesmerized for a while. Now he is moving on to chase "Friendship NRE" with someone else, and you see...

A trial separation with firmer time lines sounds better. If she's neglecting you as a spouse, why would she do any better as FWB or friend? Wouldn't that just be more neglect? I'm glad you told her you will not remain in limbo forever. But don't accept "scraps" either-- not "scraps FWBs," and...

I'm sorry to hear that. I guess at this point you decide if you are filling it in and will go to the courthouse to file it. Or if you are going to postpone doing that til ____? Do you kow your limit? Or are you at or past limit already? She sounds pretty checked out. The lies are not...

Glad it helps you some. Being seen in context matters. There's poly education to catch up on, then. Why do you push it back? Or accept a "creeping" deadline? I don't get why allowing him to stay is a moral choice. It's just being roomies on a lease. There IS a lease, right? Not just him...

I’m sorry. This sounds hard -- like a variant of poly hell. Maybe even amped up because you are neurodivergent. Just too much togetherness here. From what you describe, what started as a contained, sexual exploration has grown into an ongoing romantic poly relationship, and now the BF is...

I'm sorry this is happening. It sounds like poly hell for you since you both jumped in underprepared and not really on the same page. You were thinking "hall pass" like one and done. She was thinking long term poly relationship even if too new to use the word "polyamory" until recently. The...

Is that why he was so pushy about wanting to come over, even though you told him no, because you had your work trip and wanted that to go smoothly? He doesn't want you having more time apart, and realizing this relationship is messed up, or having time to check in with other people who would...

Solo poly does not mean swanning about all entitled and using people. It just means you are your own primary -- because of school or demanding career or whatever it is. You do not want things like marriage, shared finances, cohabitation, or similar. Solo polyamorous people value their...

I don't know if this helps you any. To me, this is weird: So he decided not to date her because she's a cheater. I don't get why your shared agreements are "no past lovers," rather than "no cheaters." But ok. It is what it is. So now he wants to date this cheater. That's kinda weird. If...