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I think it's great that the OP is getting different perspectives on this topic. We all work differently in relationships... so it's nice to get a rounded perspective when asking for advice. I don't think either way is right or wrong - it just depends on the people involved. YMMV - right?

While it might be "common" for the interest in your long term partner to wane while experiencing strong NRE for another love, I think it's a slippery slope to allow it to continue to wane without addressing the issue with your partner and without working to overcome it. I'm not suggesting folks...

I agree that stating to let the BF date and remain detached sounds simple in theory but is harder in practice. Drama from new relationships with less than emotionally stable new people does seem to spill over into the longer term relationship no matter how badly the party involved with that...

Exactly. I passionately concur.

What would be proof of (or a primary metric to use to determine) success in a polyamorous relationship, Marcus? From your perspective, of course.

While you will get a multitude of opinions and perspectives here and some sound... and some not so sound... advice... The best thing you can do for yourself and your quad is get together and talk about your fears and your assumptions. Nothing... no amount of advice here or any amount of...

Gosh, I have tons of advice but it's all for your wife (in regards to poly and how to handle the emotions!) I do think it comes down to what you are willing to put up with in your marriage and/or how much you really want to explore polyamory. Not sure if anyone else has said this but people...

I wonder, too, if part of your anger or resentment (if that is what is causing these feelings) might be that she wanted to handle the pregnancy and abortion on her own. You don't really talk about what type of triad you all have but I can reason that most people in a relationship want their...

Perhaps I didn't say it clearly. I'm saying when the uncomfortable thoughts occur, try refocusing your thought patterns on the positive instead of dwelling on the negative. Some might use this familiar phrase, "fake it til you make it" - which isn't exactly what I want to convey but closer...

I agree on allowing the grieving process to happen naturally. But I also believe you can begin to focus on the positives this new relating style will bring to your life. The level of honesty and openness you may achieve with your husband can only help you both grow as a couple and as...

Hang in there. This, too, shall pass. And take some time to regroup and consider who you are and what you deserve. There is so much to gain by taking some time alone to be reflective on both this relationship and what you want out of any relationship, be it a poly one or a monogamous one. You...

All I will say is to consider this saying: We teach people how to treat us. You say your less than great behaviors (checking messages that are not yours for example) only started when you began to doubt his honesty. I will take you at your word on this - but it sounds like previous...

"Verbal trouble"? lol I don't even know what that means. I thought you all wanted a standard definition for these words? Standard by whose standard is what I should've asked. :D

It kinda tickles my funny bone - this whole discussion on definitions - because I didn't change either definition of swinging or poly. I didn't even add sex as a requirement into the definition of poly. I found those definitions online - they weren't even mine. So to me they are very distinct...

Thank you, Schrodinger's Cat, for taking the time to re-read what I wrote. I respect your right to define your relationship or relationships in anyway you see fit. I respect you even more for trying to understand what I wrote. Hats off to you.

I identify as a bisexual polyamorous swinger although I am neither swinging nor am I in a polyamorous relationship right now. Just because I am not in either right now, I still identify as both because I believe it is possible to have casual sex relationships in a responsible manner and to be...

I think it's the idea that swinging "requires" sex to me that bothers me. I don't think that is necessarily true. It makes it sound like if you go to a swinging event, you are "required" to have sex. And that is not true. And it's a damaging comment. When someone states swingers are "in it" for...

I never stated that not having sex within a relationship diminished the quality of any relationship.

Perhaps you can draw some boundaries so you are not tempted by the physical aspects of your attraction... some of the touching you mentioned sounds as if it might be more than just friendly affection, which could be prolonging the attraction...

I respectfully disagree with you rdos. To a majority of people sex is part of love - and in my humble opinion, I feel it is incorrect to state that because the fixed definition of polyamory does not include the word "sex" directly in it that it means sex is optional. I think I am going round...