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Better answer: get to the core of what the rejection represents. Deal with those unresolved issues. Until I can see it as an ordinary rejection which I can cope with, not take too personally, etc. I'm nowhere near ready to attempt this until I can healthily handle the prospective...

The surface stuff, basic arguments against inertia: "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take" "you already don't have the job" etc That is BS though. My self esteem seems to be at risk. Warning sign. Rejection is possibly what I'm seeking on a subconscious level (repetition compulsion again)...

I nearly took that silly example out as I didn't want to distract from the rest of the message! Was just making a point about the fallacy of argument from consequences. No, I don't think cheating is acceptable. I wouldn't be fulfilled in that sort of relationship. I've now moved the goalposts...

Would that be a moral use of the ability to manipulate? If she and I were happy in our new relationship and he was positive or netural about it, then I see no harm. This isn't quite answering the question unless we define the morality of an action by the utility of its consequences - that is a...

Do you think you could "manipulate" LO's husband into accepting the poly dynamic with you in it? Anything possible, but I'm probably more likely to fail. Presently, there is nothing in it for him. Here are my initial thoughts on ways it might work. They are all contingent on his wife...

Nearly but here is a potential rebuttal. Think we can do this with just 3 parties, as a in a V(ee), but assuming that the husband is also allowed to see other women (not included). Husband - Wife - Wife's Boyfriend. Wife is embracing her hypergamous instinct with her boyfriend who is...

Do you recognize that LO is a person, with her own rights and needs? Yes. Is your therapist always right? Do you rely on your therapist to always be right? No. No. When is it wrong to manipulate others? I draw the line at force, fraud, undue influence (position of trust/vulnerable person)...

Would be interesting to see what people think the ethical issues are here. Here is my take. The first issue isn't really a poly issue, but I think the rest are. #1. Objectifying her Limerence. And projection (psychological term). My therapist thinks that the attraction is at least in part due...

Thanks for your understanding. Would you be interested in discussing further the ethics of this situation? I note you have a background in Christianity and seem to have done a fair bit of philosophising and soul searching.

Excellent. We'd probably get on well.

We've had no contact for a couple of weeks now. I don't plan on changing this any time soon. I did feel a deep connection with her, but it is so hard to work out what is genuine and what is projection/unresolved material from childhood. If we are going to get together, I figure that at our age...

Hope is the last thing I need in my present circumstances; but I wanted to thank you for sharing such a positive example. Best of luck to all three of you.

I think the (sadly all too common) problem here is that he doesn't know. Would you be happy if it were only your wife who was seeing other people? It seems there are some relationships where one partner is poly and the other is monogamous. If you don't think you would be happy in this...

Nobody got to your second paragraph because they were turned off by the first. (far too try-hard) Your marriage isn't the problem.

I'm on the south coast, nr London. Would be interested in London poly meets.

Another hurdle! Thanks for sharing your experiences. It seems I'm drawn to what is difficult / uncertain. What a recipe for continuing self esteem / insecurity issues as a newly poly couple do a few rounds of yes/no to poly which leaves me where exactly? I think I'm (unconsciously) seeking out...

Hi CTF. Can I ask what your objective is? It seems you've been here for a little while and have a good level of awareness. You've been able to see the perspective of others from the feedback you've received. It will come time to make a decision of what you will do. You can set boundaries and...

Thanks for the comments - I'm very new to this. The main difficulty I see is that they have not (as far as I know) come to poly under their own steam. I see a significant distinction between: feeling that you are poly / have always been poly and naturally want to be open to exploring other...

Thanks for sharing your story. Your efforts to take responsibility for your own actions and beliefs are commendable. Something I like to remind myself of when times are tough: "freedom isn't free".

Good questions GalaGirl! I felt that there was some connection between us and I thought this might be something I'd like to explore at some point in the future when I'm on a more stable footing. Just kidding myself though - in my more lucid moments I recognised that she is both a little...