Search results

So, I've now had two bad experiences trying to do poly. One 6 years ago and one more recently that I posted on here about. I'm wondering, what does a healthy poly relationship look and feel like? Update: I broke up with him almost 3 weeks ago now. I'm still hurting a lot. He has been in...

Well new friends.... I finally did it... I dumped him! ....my dysfunctional narcissist boyfriend who claimed to want poly but really just wanted to fuck around. (Backstory: Finally had the hard talk) That was a fucked up encounter but I'm very proud of myself right now, and I actually feel...

Nycindie - this post is pretty harsh. My heart IS breaking for myself. And I DO recognize the mistakes I've made. I'm pretty sure I've acknowledged my mistakes in my replies. I acknowledged that fucking him the first night, getting involved with rope, and letting him not use a condom was a...

Galagirl - all good points. Yeah, it would be nice to get to a neutral zone where he isn't draining my energy, brain and time. I just don't know if I can do that while cutting him off and going no contact right now. I may just have to "replace" instead by spending more time and energy on...

Thanks Mags. I'm trying to make healthier choices right now, but it's not easy. I still find myself thinking about him excessively, wishing I could help him, afraid that I will lose him, wanting him to need me. (My codependent side). At the same time I'm aware that I'm spending too much time...

Maybe his BS isn't obvious to her yet....it's taken me 4 months to see just how emotionally detached he can be and how ignorant to my needs and feelings. True, I only have his word for it. I don't know her and can't speak much for how that relationship is going other than he says "she's okay...

Yup, he's doing a good job of making me feel bad because I'm not okay with his recent behaviour, the way that she apparently is. "How dare you have needs and want a committed relationship!" he seems to be saying to me.... sadly, it's sort of working on me right now. Yup, he's been quite clear...

I've been debating if I could do some kind of Friends or Friends With Benefits arrangement with him. But of course I have concerns: Friends - Will he still try to get in my pants? Apparently he's only thought of me as a "friend" all along, despite charming me and treating me like a girlfriend...

Yes, I'm wondering if he will follow the same pattern with her. What do you guys think? My big fear is still that somehow she'll magically be able to handle all his BS in a way that I wasn't able to and they'll have a long happy relationship. I know it's irrational, but it's my fear. (I...

I have considered going no contact. But if I just stop talking without also doing a clear "This is over, don't contact me" statement he may still get in touch with me. I did "no contact" with him for a much shorter period (4 days) a few weeks ago, and sure enough he texted me, pretending like...

This is scary to me. I feel like he's already been trying to reel me back in. On Tuesday night when I was being more "detached" with him than usual, he really didn't like it. I told him it's reasonable I would be detached given everything that's happened, the fact he won't commit to me, the...

Mags - yes, I just read it. Your description of what you went through with the narcissist boyfriend sounds all too familiar to me right now. I will google more about it. I can confirm once again that I was indeed feeling VERY stable, balanced and happy when I met him last fall. In fact, I...

Magdlyn - someone else mentioned gas lighting in one of my other posts (was it you as well? Everything you just described above sounds all too familiar to my case....(except for the triangulation part) :-s I wonder if he has this narcissistic personality disorder. We had New Years together...

Yes, I wish I meant something to him. I wish I was important to him. Regardless of the pain he's caused me, I still feel like I care deeply for him. I don't think he cares as much for me. He said it in his message this morning: "I'm sorry that it isn't working with us. I'm not going to...

Nycindie - we got drunk and had sex without a condom the first night we met. Yes, I know it was a mistake. I believe I asked him that night to use a condom and he ignored my request. (I was literally tied up as we are both into kink stuff. He had me tied up, I asked him to put a condom on...

Yes, I agree. But he hasn't even extended me that basic respect, and when I ask him to do that he feels like it's a "rule."

Leetah - yep, I've had friends with benefits arrangements before, but we always used protection and we were up front about what we both wanted, so we were able to do it and still be friends. As long as I know what's going on then at least I can decide if I'm okay with it or not. This guy...

Phy - do you think he is using common sense? Because he slept with another girl without a condom, then slept with me without a condom before being up front about not using a condom with her. I don't think he's looking out for my health, or his own sexual health. And yes, it should be common...

I am curious if anyone here has ever been able to do an ongoing poly relationship with no defined rules or boundaries for the people involved? And I mean literally no rules, including ones that govern safe sex and when to use a condom or not. Because that's what this guy wants, to sleep...

Bluebird - I didn't know what gas lighting was, so I just looked it up and read some articles on it. I'm not 100% sure if that's what's happening here but some of the patterns and things explained about it certainly seemed familiar. You're right, I'm definitely not feeling sure footed right...