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Actually, I'm out. I think it's obvious I'm not a fit here and just upsetting people. For the record and future readers of thread, I'm not even a tiny bit against polyfi. I think it's just fine, and lived a version of it (with swinging) for a long time myself. Honestly, I'd be completely down...

I think it's clear to most that I came here to understand and not judge, and was careful and respectful in my discussion. Nor have I ever said that having different preferences means one is better than the other. In fact, a few times here I've said how I could understand why that works and that...

So yes, me. You think I was telling people they were wrong to be that way? Do you distinguish between disagreeing and disapproving? AND you have a problem with critical conversation, so with the entire thread titled, "problems I see with polyfi" I wonder what kind of discussion you were...

Ok, so who are those "few posters" specifically, you are referring to (criticising) who you seen to be suggesting are telling ppl they are wrong?

Hello! I'm Artemis I've actually been a member here before, early 2010 as I was transitioning from swinging to poly. I was ArtemisHunts and here is my old intro thread. The situation in my relationship thread turned out wonderfully. We quickly moved to a non-hierarchy almost poly-fi MFM triad...

Oh wow. I really had no idea any of this was coming off as a fight, saying one way is right or another isn't. I understand that discussing In my mind and how I tried to talk, I was explaining my reasoning and preferences and asking about things that didn't make sense as explained. The rules...

Found it! Intended this post earlier in the thread but it wound up elsewhere! Hope it's still relevant.

Yes, that was my mistake. The post I wrote in here about commitment and love languages was actually intended for the other thread, "How to show your seriousness" by JK40 and is a total non-sequiter here. Not sure how it got switched up, sorry guys.

How to show commitment is a fascinating question. Even in just the beginning stages. So many people equate sexual/emotional fidelity with commitment. There is also that "relationship escalator" model of relationships we were all taught. Are you familiar with that? So.. The biggest question...

Also in the meantime..... You say you trust/believe him in this case. And it's true it's the first instance. I'd hold on to that. Not to suppress the feeling, but maybe to replace the thoughts that come up to justify the feeling. This doesn't feel good and you will find a solution, but you...

I'm sorry to hear that, I was also under the impression the conversation was for all and that others were participating, not a side A vs side B or just me and Kevin. And I figured Kevin was done with his part after he said "interesting conversation" though concepts like veto, rules, agreements...

Well, questioning why isn't necessarily ignorant and judgemental, though it can be. . Ok, then don't. Seems you have answers that satisfy you and aren't interested in discussing them. Ok, I will try to remember that and not direct questions to you. I hope if I forget or anything else I do to...

I would try to get Infinity to focus on what he wants/needs from you to feel connected. Think about what he wants to GET instead of what to take away from another, you know? Special date nights, massages, gifts, what's his language? Show him first hand that giving to another doesn't mean he...

In your mind, do you wonder what would have happened if you didn't ask/bring it up? Does it make you wonder about past and future situations? Did you not find out until after you were sexually intimate? Do you suspect an ulterior motive in waiting to tell you?

I can only speak for myself..... Learning the hows and whys and comparing them to mine, pinpointing how what I feel/think differs from his helps me examine my motivations and question my values. Plus I hope he can help give me extra viewpoints so I can better understand something I don't...

I've got to ask... What, to you, is a satisfying level of intimacy? What is a reasonable amount of time?

About the " rule" vs "agreement" thing.... Agreeing to abide by a rule doesn't make it less a rule! I would expect you to agree to the rules. In fact, if you have rules you didn't agree to in a relationship, you have bigger problems. By making it a rule, it becomes cheating if break it. It's...

You are right, you can as you wish. I'm very sorry your partners feelings towards you are not what you thought and that knowing that hurts you. I understand how you would wish it wasn't true, and lacking that wish you were still under the mistaken assumption you had before. But yes, it is...

Putting up a facade, hiding your feelings and thoughts, pretending to be something you are not are not healthy sacrifices. That does not foster love and connection. It only avoids conflict. The non poly partner deserves to know the truth of how their partner sees and values them, even if they...

Little quibble with some of that reasoning, namely "SAVE THE MARRIAGE" It's like that old line of basic poly mistakes "relationship broken, add more people" Basically, if your relationship is not healthy and strong enough to stand on its own, do not involve others. Poly doesn't fix problems...