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Thank you everyone for the stories so far. Unsurprisingly, there is a lot of nuance in every situation. To echo some of the points raised, no, I wouldn’t go walkabout and announce my relationship status - we are talking purely of scenarios when caught out. The distance between home and the...

Cool! I haven’t heard of this. Thank you! I’ll definitely have a look.

Apologies for the confusion. We are not out of the closet anywhere yet. This was a pre-emptive post to help us figure things out. The only people aware of our ENM status are Heath and Clara + two other dear friends who are a poly couple, let’s call them Sally and Rob. We asked for their advice...

At least once a year, usually for at least a few weeks due to the distance, hence the ability to have good friends in both places and be known in our hobby community. And yes, you’re totally right, people will always make assumptions. I guess up until now we haven’t given any reason for anyone...

Edgar’s first attempt was unfortunate - Clara would have preferred to cheat behind my back and therefore be “secret” than have an ENM setup. She was very unhappy that I will know about her and ultimately it transpired that she was husband hunting so it kind of made sense. In my case, if things...

Yeah, we wondered about moving to the 2nd playground, but for Edgar it would mean effectively giving up his career as his profession is structured differently. For me it would mean a 40% pay cut (and a more stressful job). The clincher is that living and working in the home country is better for...

How did you navigate going public with your non-nesting partner? Context: our home is a city in a small country, so “city” really means a big village. Neither me nor Edgar (my NP) can come out of the closet at home without harm. Having been together forever, we are known as a unit by our wide...

Yep! He feels he doesn’t have a choice. His workplace psychologist told him same - the conflict of interest of the psychologist and therefore the hypocrisy is very problematic.

Looks like we’ve gone from purgatory-dark to purgatory-light. The exits either to poly-heaven or back to normal life appear to be within reach. I’m hoping it’s not a mirage. Heath finally made it to dinner with all of us last night. The Beans were over him like a rash. BeanStalk is in absolute...

Hi Evie, I’ve just caught up - apologies, I got too entangled with my own stuff and didn’t twig you had a new blog. I am so sorry for your loss. I do hope you are in a better place in the grief cycle. And I just wanted to say I really “get” it re Puck and unrealistic expectations re time...

Well things are in purgatory. Heath sent a lovely message acknowledging our conversation the following morning and then got absolutely drowned by work. He is abused by the system but he also doesn’t push back. This Stockholm syndrome got worse over the last 5 years. It’s probably a combination...

I’ve been lurking here for years now. I’ve even started a blog on this site last year, before writing this intro, because I needed more time to make everything feel ok in my head. Hi, I’m Cathy (hetero 41F), happily together with Edgar (hetero 46M) for 20+ years, 13 of them married, 2 children...

I finally told Heath I am in love with him. It happened much later during my stay in his city as life kept interfering. I am glad I waited until the time was right. The setting was perfect - we had seen a show and were having dinner afterwards. Alcohol was involved - thanks Edgar, it really did...

May is drawing close and soon I will start packing for my adventure. I still feel strongly that I need to talk to Heath. My crush on him has not gone away and it’s time I told him. I have the benefit of three months, the first of which will be on his turf (but not in his flat, so we have space...

So Clara made another appearance. She messaged Edgar (after he asked for space a few weeks prior) with a happy holidays message. They chatted back & forth on messenger. Subsequently to this restart, Edgar came out with a couple more stories to me from the time when he and Clara were seeing each...

Huh, so I’ve been away from here for almost 3 months. Well, in that time I dusted off my Spanish a little bit and learnt some basic HTML coding. Nerd that I am :oops:😁 Meanwhile, Edgar and I had a chance for some good quality conversations. Turns out he heard me fully way back when I originally...

Yep! I was used to this before the pandemic and I am relearning that art form of enjoying my own space (albeit shared with children, but they are welcome in that space). At this stage it seems too dangerous, sadly. It could seriously harm my career and also personal life. Nothing can stay a...

A few grey days here. Edgar is preoccupied with finishing his project overseas over these couple of weeks before he returns home, so he has only made very minimal contact for a few days now and Heathcliff has gone on holiday with Ned. I’m giving everyone space while I try to contain my own...

And therein lies (another) problem!!! exactly! I’m sure my subconscious kept it off my radar until now for that very reason 🫣 It’s a remarkably unfortunate timing for this crush. And I can’t seem to just “turn it off” - believe me I’ve tried. This is partly why I’m thinking it’s been there...

That’s so exciting! Good luck!!! Hopefully the newbie agent is also still attentive and will actually *listen* to your required parameters 🤞 Nothing more annoying than recruiters pushing jobs that are clearly not for you just to tick boxes with their agency. that’s pretty tough. Especially when...