Search results

  1. M

    Millhuas' mental health

    Been spending the time leading up to the ball drop in a depressive state. I recognize that what is happening should make me happy. My wife has been looking up activities and events we can do for/with each other. It means so much for her to surprise me with a list of things to choose from to do...
  2. M

    Millhuas' mental health

    NGL today was ass. Every plan I have tried to make for today has fallen through. Just feels like a huge waste of time. Ready to get this weekend over with.
  3. M

    Millhuas' mental health

    Every Wednesday, I spend time with my best friend. He's pretty great, very straight, and all fun to be with. He makes you feel confident in opening up to him. I am aware of a crush that I have, and I am aware that it is not reciprocated. I value our friendship too much to skew the line with...
  4. M

    Millhuas' mental health

    Today, I had my first date with someone other than my wife. No hard moments where my emotions, senses, and thoughts cold not be communicated properly. It's a nice change. I grow tired of feeling a particular way inside and looks ng a different way outside. My friend and I are going to regularly...
  5. M

    Millhuas' mental health

    I had my intake with my therapist. I answered a few questions, we got to know each other, and outline what I initially want to address with my therapy. I do struggle with vindictive twists on my nature. Where remember something and will have vindictive impulses due to the memory. This happens...
  6. M

    Millhuas' mental health

    Tomorrows the big day, I start my therapy. It got moved up and I haven't a new therapist scheduled. I've also reconnected with a few friends. One I have spoken to since we were children. I like her a lot, don't know if it's just rose tinted glasses or actual us today. I do think that she likes...
  7. M

    Millhuas' mental health

    Happy holidays, still no new developments today. Currently not feeling sad. And also not having inconsistent emotions either. Good in my opinion.
  8. M

    Millhuas' mental health

    Visiting family, my wife and I have had some really strong communication lately. Not too much to report for the day. Been pretty stable. The vaccine booster kicked my ass but other than that, nothing to tell ATM.
  9. M

    Millhuas' mental health

    Thanks, so much for the help. I was wanting to use this as a conduit to throw emotions and hurt at a medium to get what I feel, think, want, and dislike put out. Like writing letters to your abuser and burning them. I get where reading them, it may seem disjointed. That is because my thoughts...
  10. M

    Millhuas' mental health

    Day Three Ok, early post today. Will probably make an edit later tonight. I have been answering questions on what I feel and why. And whether I wanted to be polyam or if I was only accommodating my spouses wishes. Here's a recap of the questions I've asked myself. Q:Am I hurt? Why? A: yes, I...
  11. M

    Am I in the wrong? TRIGGER WARNING

    Sorry for snapping, just have some whiplash from people who were not as understanding as we thought they were. Thanks for the good luck wishes.
  12. M

    Am I in the wrong? TRIGGER WARNING

    Thank you for letting me know. Just have some whiplash from people who we've come out to about it that weren't as understanding as we had thought.
  13. M

    Millhuas' mental health

    Day two, we spoke about financial obligations and expectations. And working together to lessen the impact of major spending. My wife has promised to be more present and not pouring so much of herself into her job that she doesn't have enough emotional where with all to be active in our marriage...
  14. M

    Am I in the wrong? TRIGGER WARNING

    Also, it isn't a matter of jealousy over who she's with and spending time. I have PTSD and have been projecting. We grew apart over COVID and are learning to love each other again. Not putting words in your mouth just clarifying possible misconception. Also, parsing it as: "and she isn't even...
  15. M

    Am I in the wrong? TRIGGER WARNING

    I personally have the approach of thinking, " I said I am doing 'X' so I will not allow 'Y'. It's how I'm wired right now. My wife is not wired the same way. At the time of her date I asked what she expected to happen because that how I'm wired to parse things. She took my language as requesting...
  16. M

    Self love= self pleasure?

    Might want to make an edit in the forward on this post elaborating that. Which BTW, bold and brave of you for doing sex positivity as a thesis!! Rock on!! Also, I don't remember really when I first started.
  17. M

    Why do you use the online name that you use?

    I was bullied by people and my last name was purposeful misspelled to be an anagram for: "Millis Head Up Ass Syndrome". It got bad and eventually, when I started playing videogames as a hobby, a friend who I only knew for a few months helped turn it into my own thing. It's what I use everywhere...
  18. M

    Millhuas' mental health

    Ok. Just finished day one. I have scheduled my first appointment with a therapist for next Tuesday. The internet went while trying to take my assessments for college so I will now be enrolling summer classes. Silver lining the money that would have gone to spring semester can go to a car...
  19. M

    Am I in the wrong? TRIGGER WARNING

    Tommy is good people. I have been suffer a lot due to COVID-19. I fell into a deep depression and recognize that I have been just as unavailable and haven't considered her side of events leading. We both want the same thing, better communication and better availability. And we both have...
  20. M

    Am I in the wrong? TRIGGER WARNING

    Well, there are more parts at play in terms of our history. I flat out had a mental and emotional breakdown crying for almost 20 hrs because I felt and still feel that she and have disproportionate invest in quality time with each other. This is not to say I am without fault nor that she has any...
Back
Top