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Quick update on my situation. My ex-partner and I are no contact until next year at least. There was a lot of open heart conversations between her husband and her, and her and I. Her husband is open to poly with me in the picture but after they fix their marriage. I am staying away from her...

Thank you for the kind words. I realized that I lived this first Poly relationship according to my values and even though it ended like that, I can tell myself i did everything right from the ethical standpoint.

Maybe I still have rose tinted glasses but I feel like we had a deep connections and lot of potential. I am not holding my breath. But outside of the lying, I would want a connection like I have had with Rachel in a new partner. Rachel has contacted me recently and told me she wants to be in a...

Yes! I was in limbo, holding my breath and it wasn’t healthy.

Thank you 🙏 I am confident we are all in a position now where the raw emotions are going to cool down, there is going to be a lot of discussion between Rachel and her husband and the best outcome will reveal itself for everyone. I am going to be at peace regardless. I had an amazing time with...

it is “no contact”-ish Right now Rachel and I need space to heal and she needs to figure out what she wants with her husband. I am staying away. I told her I would not respond to any updates she sends me. I do appreciate the very transparent update she is sending me, since she wasn’t 100%...

Great point. I am sticking to the no contact. I agree. I got another update from Rachel yesterday and she said she is being honest with her husband with what she wants vs agreeing to monogamy under duress. Since we are no contact I don’t reply. But yes, I am treating the situation as we are...

Tell us more! Thank you. This is very insightful. I feel I met one of my soul mates with Rachel. The last soul mate I met is my wife and we have been married 18 years, 1 kid. That is a good point. I tend to swing with single women so there is always the potential of more. But nobody has passed...

Rachel contacted me yesterday and told me that is what she is working through with her husband. She has been explicit that after self-reflection, it is the direction she is hoping for. Since we are no contact, I didn’t reply. Not sure how realistic it is for the husband. He is still very angry...

Done. Agreed on learning and not getting duped again. We are good on the sex health side. We are super active swingers, so Rachel was 20 sex partners away. We get tested monthly. I have a hard time taking any personal responsibility since I had no idea. I frequently asked Rachel how her...

That is the hard part I have struggled with. I felt what we were building was real. She admitted it was real for her too but she also showed up not authentically My wife has been very supportive. She has had her fair share of bad Poly when we started. Interestingly enough, she does really like...

Ok. Thanks. Good thinking. I will skip that step.

Should I be contacting her husband to say I am sorry about the entire situation and make it clear that I was as duped as he was the entire time? I want to send him the message that from my perspective it wasn’t an affair. If I had know he was not on board, I would have never started anything...

Yes, it a brutal crash of the relationship. We were about to discuss future plans and how we wanted to take the relationship to the next level. I was totally blindsided. Good advice. The first few weeks after we broke up, I stuck around as a friend to help her out but yes I started feeling like...

Hello My wife and I have been ENM for 5 years (18 years married). We have been mostly swingers. We never had much interest in polyamory until my wife met someone she really liked 2 years ago. We read about it, slowly opened our heart and we jumped into poly. My wife has had several partners...