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People have been pointing out that I should be dating too. I think I understood that. But I really wanted to let her explore this thing about herself before I really jumped in the deep end myself. And I'm glad I didn't get in to deep with anyone before we figured these things out.

Update on all this: my wife's been on a couple more dates this week. One went well. One was blah. Both dates left her feeling anxious like she'd rather just be on a date with me. Both her dates also talked about their other lovers and how dating impacts them and dealing with jealousy in both...

> At minimum you tell them you are newbies and aren't promising anything other than one date at a time. Good advice. So far we haven’t deviated from that.

And I think the measure of good for both of us here is that we can date other people without losing one another. Those have been her stated goals at least, and I’m inclined to believe that’s her intention. Maybe that’s just because we’re so codependent. I’m sure we are. But we also like each other.

@GalaGirl I think you might have hit the nail on the head a bit with we don’t know each other as hinges. I wonder if that’s the fear here, that neither of us knows ourselves or one another as a hinge, and we don’t know what happens. If we knew and we were OK with the results we’d probably both...

@GalaGirl. There’s a lot to chew on there! Thank you. My wife and I have a very close and romantic relationship. We go out any chance we get and we enjoy being together. Sometimes I wonder if it’s because we’re both kind of anxious in the relationship and so we cling to one another. But for...

@Tinwen if anyone would do polyamory you’d think it would be a bunch of immortal elves. > Don't be a knight in shining armor to a point I tend to dramatic self sacrifice for my own dark purposes. It makes one sort of indispensable if they’re holding the whole mess together. So yeah good thing...

The reason I’d do it is for her, so that I don’t feel like I’m forcing her to choose between me and the way she’s meant to be. That’s where things stand now, anyway.

@Magdlyn @dingedheart. I think our experience has been more like Magdlyn’s entry into this world. My wife is more driven to connect to other women. I thought this was going to be really easy for me because… I dunno… it’s not competition for me as a dick owner 😂, and I was never really jealous...

I think that’s insightful @Magdlyn. We’re both afraid of being replaced. But we’re super committed to one another. I think the relationship is just such a foundational piece of our lives. And I think for her the fact that I don’t feel that driven to poly makes me trying it out seem even more...

@Magdlyn I’ve read a bunch of articles and Polysecure and The Ethical Slut, and she’s read more stuff. I think the practice is so much harder and more complex than the theory :) And I think we’ve been thoughtful about others. I haven’t asked anyone out while I figure my stuff out (just created...

Hi folks. I’m a man. About 16 months ago my wife (of 15 years) asked me if she could make out with a friend. That escalated a bit and she decided she was poly. I was OK with it, although I didn’t really feel like dating anyone else. At some point, we moved outside my “window of tolerance” by...

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