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You know what? Thanks for trying everyone. I’ve realized that the lens through which most people are viewing on this site is more ideological than therapeutic, more dogmatic than problem-solving. These things are not one size fits all and posting here has helped me learn that the rules that have...

Done. Thanks. Just writing this out is already a little helpful.

Part 6 (final): Despite that, for several weeks we've been warmer and loving to each other (though no sex for over five months, which is a mutual state I’m sure). We’ve been avoiding discussion as we try to find a couple's therapist which has been really hard, re. insurance and scheduling...

Part 5: We had the biggest crisis in our marriage. Existential. She went off on me for days telling me every horrible thing about me that she’s been carrying for 20 years. I just took it and apologized, even for things that I disagreed with or I knew we were untrue. I just let her unleash. I...

Part 4: But I let time pass, and I began to accept it more. Meanwhile, the boyfriend, Bryan, became more jealous and was having a really hard time with the arrangement. He was so in love with my wife and couldn’t handle being apart from her. He was having breakdowns and saying he wasn’t sure he...

Part 3: “Once again, I asked her to slow down. She says she didn’t mean to fall in love, and she can’t help her feelings. She’s avoided the idea of slowing down. She just wants us to work through my feelings without making her feel put in a cage, or hurting her boyfriend of three months. She...

Part 2: Months went by and the girl from Taiwan lost interest partly because she really wanted this other boyfriend to love her back. It’s too bad she couldn’t just enjoy what she and I had but I didn’t take it personally, and we eventually parted on good terms after a nice six months. But...

Forgive the length and the inevitable typos. I've written "my wife" to keep her name out of it. Part 1: So we could go back to my childhood but for now let me just say that my adolescence and the whole decade of my 20s and even early 30s were incredibly isolating and lonely and painful in terms...

If you had just opened your 20-year marriage for the first time, and your initial boundaries were very clear that neither you nor your wife would seek out anything like a lifetime partner, or kitchen-table polyamory, at least not for a long time, and your wife’s first relationship turned serious...

I’m in Hudson. :)

No, she’s not missing being treated nicely. We are incredibly close. And yes, I am really nice. I know she’s getting something out of it. I have told her it’s her experience and not mine. I can know these things, but it hasn’t made a difference in my feelings, which everyone in non-monogamy...

We opened up in December and my wife met someone immediately. I finally met him last month and after all this build up, was shocked that this was my wife’s big relationship. He’s nice. And that’s it. Not smart, funny or interesting. He’s really overweight, has PTSD and lives in a trailer. I was...

Thanks so much. She has heard me and is more mindful of how NRE has blinded her words and actions and their effects. And I feel a bit better, ready to move on and handle all this better, with help. Thanks!

Thank you so much. All of that is very helpful. My wife has apologized many times, has calmed down and has been making a lot of effort to curtail the hurtful language and actions and I’ve been making efforts to expand my embrace of her new experiences while listening to my instincts more and...

Hi there. Yes, we both agreed no more office. I feel like a stupid teenager, but it was a shock and an image that plays like a movie. But while I was tempted, I did not ask her to pause her relationship. She just had an overnight on Thursday. I was OK. I used the sleepless night to research...

Hi there. Thank you. The first time, she had done some research and passed it on to me. At the time, there wasn’t nearly as much information as there is now. I hadn’t even heard the term ENM until a few months ago. No, we obviously, stupidly didn’t do enough research or preparation either time...

Hi there. Actually our one-on-one time has been pretty good, considering how challenging other parts of our life are. And roommate and childcare stuff has never been an issue with us. We’ve always done living together well. I would love to insist that she pause her new relationship for a month...

Hi. New here and new to poly. Sort of. I’ve been deeply happily married to my wife for 20 years. Our first decade together she was constantly jealous and mistrusting of me, making sure I was never attracted to other women, though I never gave her any reason to. If you had asked me if I thought...