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You said this so dang well. Mad props, Kevin :)

I think the following statement is where kdt’s coming from: “It always results in me needing to console her due to how badly she feels about it being something that still impacts me, even if it is at this point fairly minor.” I believe you should never have to console someone else about any...

One thing I see you saying is "a lot of poly people have gone through this same road." Even if that's true, is it relevant to the ethical weight of the situation? I think that's more of a signifier that we live in a highly mono-normative society that gives us minimal tools for starting or...

I think you have some good insights here, but I did want to challenge/explain this part. Affairs are human and quite common. I don't personally believe that it means that the people within it are inherently evil or anything like that. However, affairs often include acts of lying, manipulation...

This sounds like a very painful experience for you. I think your wife is taking very, very little accountability for her needs and motives here. Your wife seems to have a pattern of saying she didn't know that she was doing anything that was breaking your relationship contract boundaries. I...

Naaaah, I'm fine :) Just been feeling extra self-conscious about my sexual and romantic desires lately and thought y'all might provide some helpful insight (which you did). Thanks for all the answers so far!

This was really helpful. Thanks for sharing your perspective :)

Damn Mags, you went hard with this 😭 I like your questions. I tend to like to excavate myself and my past a lot, so I got a few factors that have likely shaped my insecurities and difficult feelings around sex like fear, disgust, shame, etc: - Childhood sexual abuse/assault: I'm not sure if it...

This is a somewhat hypothetical question, but also something I’ve felt shame about in the past, so I’d like more perspectives. (Skip this paragraph if you don’t care for personal context.) I’ve found myself finding it important lately that I find my (hypothetical) romantic partners to also be...

From my perspective, this seems like a completely valid situation for you to feel betrayed by your wife in. If it was just that you and the metamour didn’t mesh well, that would be different. We don’t need to love all of our partner’s friends/lovers. However, this person has actively hurt you...

I'm currently in a headspace (literally currently, as in I just started doing this today) where I've been spending a lot of active time locating and purposefully feeling what's going on in my body. I'm a very emotionally sensitive person, and this has led me to frequently attempt to soften...

Reading all this, I don't really see any villains in the story, mainly a needs and communication mismatch that's been causing you a lot of grief. You seem to be reading the guy correctly. You've tried to set up some more intimate hangouts that he's rebuffed indirectly. Based on how difficult...

When you're feeling jealousy in a romantic relationship: Instead of trying to resolve it through control, lean towards advocating for yourself! Like if you're jealous because you're scared you'll lose something you value such as quality time or tender touch from your partner, tell them! You can...

It's an interesting perspective for sure, and I do like that it helps diversify the actions you can take within a scenario such as meeting up secretly with someone who hasn't been open with their partner. Even if someone believes that cheating is inherently wrong, there's definitely degrees of...

This reminds me of one of those chain emails from yesteryear. The funny thing is: I've heard of how having physical rituals can help abstract things such as breakups feel more tangible and easier to emotionally grasp. That being said, not sure how much a two-person blowjob would do for healing...

I love discussions on here, and thought I'd make another thread on a polyamory topic: It's interesting how different social topics can intertwine. I know I've read several informative discussions on here about how hetero/mono-normative relationship dynamics tend to be heavily intertwined with...

Have you both already considered an open relationship? That seems like a solution to the problem that is less intense than something like full-on polyamory. It of course still requires open communication and trust, but speaking as someone who was in an open relationship, it’s a *very* different...

I’d recommend reflecting on your support network outside of your romantic relationship, as they will be vital in transitioning this to a healthier situation no matter how it shakes out. Friends, families, and sometimes even co-workers can be a good place to start. You might also have some...

Galagirl put this all excellently. I notice that you use a lot of language that gives near absolute power to the wants/needs of your spouse while leaving little room for your own. Your own wants and needs are vital in any relationship you’re involved in, and you sound miserable and tired in...

Did not expect the wife to come in guns blazing 😭 Thanks for the link! It’s interesting reading people’s thoughts on coercion at the time. I think a part of coercion I didn’t see discussed in that thread is that coercion can also involve restricting the parameters of the choices. Like the...