2much's possible journey into fraternal polyandry

Today I am a little grumpy again because I was chatting to one of my more open minded friends about how I think I'm poly and although they didn't burn me on a stake I did get told I was a) greedy and b) just bored, indulging in flights of fancy :rolleyes:

I don't like this implication because I'm NOT bored of my husband, no way. He still manages to surprise me 7yrs in! If I was bored of him, I'd leave asap. I'm a risk taking sort of person and the thought of being single doesn't scare me in the slightest so I really take exception to that. Also, I might come across as a housewife, but I actually have loads going on in my life so it's not as though I have all the time in the world to just dream stuff up! How rude. I just told them they didn't understand poly at all.
 
Tonight I will be pseudo-poly :D I invited The Mechanic around for BBQ and wine with The Scientist and our daughter. Will (hopefully) be a nice evening of chilltime for the four of us.
 
I'm a very flirty person and i kept it to my normal levels because i didnt want to upset hubby, but i would say that recently i have stepped it up a tiny imperceptible notch to The Mechanic with positive results, so i'm no longer so unsure of his reaction should i get the go ahead to be romantic with him....
 
Big progress here. I decided to go on a different tack and test the water in a slightly different area. I have always wanted a MFM threesome, or to attend an orgy. I suppose sex with more than two appeals to me just as much as relationships with more than two. So i asked hubby if i would be allowed to go to a sex party or if it would cause him to hate me forever. initial reaction was quietly negative but we had a long and frank discussion about how i'm just thrillseeking, which is a normal part of my personality, and how if i wamted to leave, i would do it with or without the sex parties etc. He came round, and although he's honest about him not being sure how he'd feel after the event, he has not banned me from going.

Then later he was joking about having a woman round while i went away for a few days with a friend and i said it was a great idea, they'd have fun. He questioned it and i said 'well i'll be having fun doing what i like elsewhere, so why would i be bothered?' which i feel is true - i really dont see why my partner should be bored and lonely when im away if he could be having a good romp with someone he likes? I only get upset if i think he's leaving, or im missing out on his love when we're together. He said he 'admired my mentality' and i checked that wasnt sarcastic and he said no, it was true, he wished he could be like it. So although theres the little caveat telling me his is not like me, at least he is not seeing my feelings as a negative thing.
 
Had a rough few months with The Mechanic. I've come to the conclusion that he is a hoarder, and we were beginning to drown in all his junk. I orchestrated a tidyup, and I am ruthless and it was clearly painful for him. I didn't enjoy putting him through it, but we really WILL drown in it all if he keeps everything :( So for a good few weeks he avoided me as much as possible because I was the bad guy.

In the last few days though we seem to have been on better terms which feels nicer :D

...I still haven't been to a sex party, but it's still on the books!
 
Great strides of progress. The Scientist has of late developed a mild obsession with the sex party idea. He voluntarily brought it up a few weeks ago and we had a crazy long discussion about the whys and wherefores and he was really exploring the idea, and ever since we've been regularly discussing both our fantasies and things like that. I have studiously left The Mechanic out of it. TBH, I am getting a little sick of discussing it all there has been that much!? I honestly don't know if I'd ever attend an orgy now because we've gone over it so much :p But it has given me the opportunity to bring up 'sex at dawn' and suggest WE read it, and we're watching a doc about polygamy tonight (albeit the well-trodden mormon thang :rolleyes: so I don't know how helpful it will be.... )

On the Mechanic front, we did have that painful few weeks after Hoardergate, but then repaired things and have been very friendly (platonic!) since. He did blindside me by very seriously saying he was going to miss me when I went away once, which I wasn't expecting and left me flustered and scurrying away!

I spent a few days chewing over it, but then decided to ask him outright - has he ever had a girlfriend? Is he gay? He was terribly uncomfortable, as was I, but he did answer no, and no. He faithfully promises he's not hiding being gay through fear. I left it at that and we were a bit stiff with each other overnight and I worried he'd never speak to me again, but earlier I think we made up - he sought me out and told me a mindless bit of news in a very cheery manner; I think he was telling me he forgives me for making him want to die :D
 
Things have been a bit rough recently. We've all been fighting over a business matter like never before. I was about an inch away from walking out altogether, but after making some effort to do so, I realised I wouldn't be able to stay close and keep things steady for my child and I'd have to give up my life's work in the guise I've come to know it. If I leave, it's going to have to involve some distance due to money, it would be a clean break and starting from the very bottom. Things are starting to get exciting for our business and that's largely MY doing, so I'm damned if I'll walk away now.

*Obviously*, privately, inside, my ideal is that we all stay together. But I have to wall off those thoughts and try to keep it to business. I can only talk about my personal feelings in a strangled way. I have to tread such a fine line between cracking the whip on the The Mechanic and letting him know I do actually like him, a lot, but not too much ;) .... :(

So yeah, we're all giving it one last shot. If it doesn't work out, I'm going to have to leave, and leave absolutely everything except my daughter behind. :(

On the plus side, boy have I learnt a lot these last few years - I'm a totally different, kick-ass person and I have clear ideas about where I would go, what I would do and who I would do it with. Solo poly all the way. :D
 
Things have settled down, changes have been made and i've been having a really lovely time with my guys :eek: inside this makes me even unhappier though, because im still hiding a part of myself and i just want to remove myself from both of them and the situation altogether. Like, if its not going to be resolved, i have to just blow it up because its eating away at me :(
 
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