Advice on jealousy and fear

C

crimsonsapphire

New member
I am in a poly relationship with my boyfriend. He also has a wife.

We have been together for over a year now. In the recent months, I have been jealous of his wife, thinking that he will eventually just push me away and not love me anymore. I also feel like he prefers to have sex with her more often than me, and that in time he will grow tired of me.

I want to change this, because I have been having a lot of fights with him recently, and I don't want our relationship to split apart because of this. Even though he does so much for me, and is always telling me that he loves me, I am still scared that something this good will eventually come to an end, and that I will screw up our relationship to the point where he will leave me, or not love me as much anymore.

I don't want to be depressed or negative anymore, but I'm just scared of what could happen. Is there any way I can fix this?
 
Learn some new bedroom tricks, i dunno. Take videos of yourself masturbating. Cut the crotches out of your pantyhose. Read some books, buy some dildos and butt plugs (silicone only; stay away from "pvc" and "jelly" ones).

Amazon dot com is your friend.
 
talking helps

Talking about IT helps. Everyone has their moments of jealousy and feeling insecure. It is part of being human and those who say it never happens aren't being realistic.

There are healthy ways to deal with it, and if you cannot, it's likely that either you will only be bringing misery to your life, OR you haven't found a "style" of non-monogamy that works for you. The hardest part is being able to honestly evaluate your situation so that you can recognize whether it's you and your behavior that is causing your difficulties, or if it's rooted in the fact that you don't see eye to eye with your partners and those you are connected to, through them.

When all involved have a genuine desire to be respectful and caring towards everyone both directly and indirectly involved, you can find a way that works. Such skills are necessary to have regardless of the types of relationships you cultivate throughout your life.
 
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crimsonsapphire said:
I am in a poly relationship with my boyfriend. He also has a wife and we have been together for over a year now. in the recent months though, I have been jealous of his wife thinking that he will eventually just push me away and not love me anymore. I also feel like he prefers to have sex with her more often than me, and that in time he will grow tired of me.
I want to change this though because I have been having a lot of fights with him recently and I don't want our relationship to split apart because of this. Even though, he does so much for me and always telling me that he loves me, I am still scared that something this good will eventually come to an end and that I will screw up our relationship to the point where he will leave me or not love me as much anymore. I don't want to be depressed or negative anymore but I'm just scared of what could happen. Is there any way I can fix this?
Click to expand...

You could very easily be having nearly identical fears in a mono relationship. Fearing that your partner will get bored of you, doesn't like sex with you all that much, or that you'll screw things up are insecurities that are very general... do you think this is actually because of poly, or is this just part of who you are? Maybe counseling would help you develop better self-esteem?
 
It sounds like you may need some help, if you are being told you are valued and that someone loves you but you can't help but fear something will go wrong, that would seem to be an internal problem. You have value and you are valued by the person you are seeing, by his own admission, so don't sweat it so much and enjoy the ride.
 
I agree it is something you need to talk about. but is she supportive of ur time because the negative way she thinkz your a phase I think u said she's pushing you out of the relationship. Are you a v or triad?
 
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