Advice on my OKC profile

L

LondonGuy

New member
Hi All

Please could I request some advice on my OKC profile?

I'd describe myself as passively looking, I recognise that my local areas dating pool is very quiet and there are few poly people nearby but I enjoy chatting with people and wouldn't be put off by distance if more were to develop. But I also don't feel like anything is "missing" from life at the moment.

https://www.okcupid.com/Dragon_hide

I've messaged 2 women within the last couple of weeks who had both also answered a large number of questions and both of whom openly put that they placed a lot of faith in the matching algorithms (as do I). I was a 98% and 99% match respectively and really enjoyed reading their profiles. Both messages have been read, but no reply.

Both also put in their profiles that they are not wanting unicorn hunters and I'm worried that (as a male in a hetero relationship with a pansexual woman) it may look like that from the outside. I've dated 2 bisexual women before simultaneously without feeling the need to encourage them to hook up or develop any kind of group activity and regardless of my partners sexual preference I am perfectly content with V, Y, X... type arrangements.

I wouldn't be opposed to a triad/group if my partner(s) and I independently fell for the same person(s), but I've got no ambitions/agendas to build towards that. As I've stated on my profile.

I don't mean this to sound entitled when I say this, but given the high match percentages I was at least hoping for a good conversation.

Does it read as though I'm unicorn hunting? Is this the default assumption for any straight Cis Male dating a Bi/Pan/Flexible/Queer female? Is my profile too long? Any other tips?

I had plenty of dates through OKC when I used to live down in London, but I've now had just 2 in 24 months and one of those became my girlfriend and when I relocated north things broke off with the girl I was seeing in London.
 
I'd hit you up if you were on the same continent (the visitor you just got from NC was me, 96% match), and I don't think you sound like you're a unicorn hunter. That said, the thing about OKC I've found is that sometimes there are people who the algorithms say I ought to be interested in - 98, 99% matches - but something about the writing style or the pictures or _something_ just doesn't click, and it's not really predictable.
 
LondonGuy, did you mean to put this in the blog section? Report your post by clicking the ! on your OP if you want a mod to move it to the appropriate section.
 
Hi Ice Song, thanks for the kind words :)

I enjoyed reading your profile too - especially the bit about the biscuit recipe. I get a bit like that; obsessively tweaking my favourite dishes until I've reached perfection!!

Magdlyn, I agree that this isn't so much a blog but it is a life thing. Unfortunately the forum doesn't have a subforum called "dating advice" and so I just stuck it where I felt most appropriate. If there is a place where people put this sort of thing the I'd be happy to have it re-located.

Thanks :) Andrew
 
Hi Andrew,
I don't have an active account, so can't look at your profile, but....


When I was on OKC, I was most apt to respond to a well written, engaging and interested message. Humor and reference to things I'd written in my profile helped very much. No woman wants to know that you are passively looking, so I assume you've not mentioned this in your messages. A woman wants to know that you're interested in her, even if the relationship is to be a friendly, casual one. What did you write to the women?

Pictures play a huge role. Are your photos friendly? Are you smiling? Are they in focus? Are you naked in the bathroom mirror? If so - take this photo down. (JMNSHO) Do you have several photos of yourself? Do you include a full body (not naked) shot? In your photos you want to convey "I'm friendly," not "I'm great at sex," which seems to be the theme of many men's photo section on OKC. You want to convey approachability, stability and a fun loving quality.

I'm sure you know that many women receive many messages from men, but well written messages of substance do stand out. Yes, a woman can get an avalanche of inquiries, but a good message accompanied by attractive photos is uncommon so a man surely can do a lot to stand out from the crowd and pique the interest of a woman.
 
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