Age gap questions

The best "age gap" movie, in my opinion, is Harold and Maude (1971). Who's seen it? A young man is about ready to give up on life, gloomy, depressed, "goth." Meets a much older woman so full of joie de vivre. She gives HIM a new lease on life.
YES
 
Why do you think your older friend likes hanging out with YOU, you young whippersnapper?
Actually, I’m going to answer this further and say I think besides appreciating my curiosity and interest, they appreciate my (mental) attention and my desire to spend time giving them that attention. In addition they are able to talk frankly with me about sex, relationships, aging, death, politics, metaphysics … maybe in a way that their family and community of seniors doesn’t readily engage.

I really think cross-generational perspectives are enlightening and, when the emotional/intimate chemistry is there, can create a unique bond. Like … this person from this other “land” is sharing a view of their entire world with me. Something really special in that. And I hope they feel it the way I do. I’ll ask them!
 
As we now have settled into this lifestyle, we are both very happy. She still sees her Portuguese dance partner once a week and all is still going well, She also has a long-term boyfriend who is comfortable with the arrangement. So am I. We couldn’t be happier.
 
My spouse is 16 years younger than I am (I'm 50; she's 34). Nobody can tell, because I look younger. I know lots of people say that, but I can only tell you my experience. So, people are often shocked when they find out, but because we don't LOOK different in age, they get over it very quickly. I do wonder if at some point, age will catch up with me and it will become more obvious. In the meantime, lots of her partners are her age and thus more sexually...ummm...available? Something something stamina? IDK. But I don't get jealous of it because I'm the age that I am, and I also have other partners. Besides, that's only one part of our lives. We are in synch in most ways. It's funny when she doesn't know certain bands/actors, but honestly, she's not great at that in general.

I think one of the perks of poly is that you can experience relationships with all sorts of different people. Age is just another difference to embrace!
 
I don't think the age gap is too much. However, you may have to deal with your feelings of jealousy as you have tough competition with a man half your age.

A 26 year old who is great in bed is the kind of the thing that a lot of male partners struggle to "compete" with.

I wonder why this has to be seen as ‘tough competition’ or competing in bed.

I don’t view my partners as competitors for my attention and I would hate my metamours to feel I was a competitor to them. For me, the joy and art of healthy poly is the recognition that different partners offer different qualities, and that poly partners attend considerately to the issues of time and attention, so intense feelings of ‘competition’ are avoided.

When it comes to sex, why do men assume that a 26 year old’s energy (presumably for banging away athletically) trumps the knowledge of the intimate, exquisite ways of giving pleasure that a 56 year old man may have learnt? Youth and athleticism do not necessarily equal sexual satisfaction.

Sure, the wife has some NRE going on and dancing feels great too. But that doesn’t mean Pip is losing a ‘competition’!

Pip, play to the strengths and skills that your extra years have developed in you. Give your wife the attention that only you can give her. If you’ve let some of your skills go rusty, why not polish them up again. Celebrate your difference to this young man instead of comparing yourself. Older men can be just as super sexy as young ones.
 
I'm more baffled at how a woman of that age can tolerate large amounts of time around a man of that age.
Gender can be absolutely removed from this. I don't know how anyone at 50x can tolerate being around a 20x that much.

It would have to be a very special 20x.. for me personally. I am "young" at 49 with activities that make my 50 something friends cringe. But I find it hard to find commonality. However with the right commonality it could work.

I am dating someone 15 years my junior and she is just amazing. So anything is possible.
 
I wonder why this has to be seen as ‘tough competition’ or competing in bed.

I don’t view my partners as competitors for my attention and I would hate my metamours to feel I was a competitor to them. For me, the joy and art of healthy poly is the recognition that different partners offer different qualities, and that poly partners attend considerately to the issues of time and attention, so intense feelings of ‘competition’ are avoided.
Some people attach value to sexual performance. So their condition to love is how they fuck..

Others it's money

Others it's eye candy

Hence the competition. (This is my personal example based on the work I am going through)

I am intellectually dealing with this now. My value to my partners is tied to my perception of conditional love. When .. they love me unconditionally... Like I love them. I just don't see the value in loving me unconditionally. It's an interesting problem with work through.
When it comes to sex, why do men assume that a 26 year old’s energy (presumably for banging away athletically) trumps the knowledge of the intimate, exquisite ways of giving pleasure that a 56 year old man may have learnt? Youth and athleticism do not necessarily equal sexual satisfaction.
I find this comical. At 50 my energy isn't really matched by most people i meet. It's actually way more of a hindrance then a helper.

And to be frank... At least in my region.. I don't see a lot of hyper athletic 20 year olds anymore. At least not in poly.
 
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