Marcus
Well-known member
So it isn't exclusively about polyamory, but includes sections on other approaches in the broader category of non-monogamy. That's simple enough, and doesn't necessarily sound like a horror story. Thanks, LR.
Am I the only one who hated Opening Up?
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So it isn't exclusively about polyamory, but includes sections on other approaches in the broader category of non-monogamy. That's simple enough, and doesn't necessarily sound like a horror story. Thanks, LR.
Marcus
Well-known member
To clarify, I'm not confused about the difference between the terms non-monogamy and polyamory; the terms have pretty solid definitions. I just hadn't noticed anyone else in this thread who seemed to be confused by it either.
My quandary was centered around how the distinction between these two terms was what was being misunderstood by "the poly" folks. As far as I could tell, up until the non-monogamy distinction was brought up (by Ari), the discussion was centered around the different poly approaches that were covered in the book.
LovingRadiance
Active member
I think what may have been triggering Ari (because it did me too) was the idea that this book was about poly "from a hierarchical perspective," when in fact, it's not about polyamory exclusively. It briefly addresses poly as an option. But the book is designed to be a conversation starter for couples who are considering opening their relationship, which is vastly different.
If one reads it as a guide to polyamory, it would be a nightmare. Because that isn't at all what it is or what it was intended to be.
It's got some great lists for consideration. It doesn't advise what to do, but outlines "Here is what someone did" numerous times, some to ill effect and some positive. It also outlines lots of topics that often crop up and should be taken into consideration, such as jealousy. *shrug* It has good points and bad points. But it's certainly not a manual for how to do polyamory.
If one reads it as a guide to polyamory, it would be a nightmare. Because that isn't at all what it is or what it was intended to be.
It's got some great lists for consideration. It doesn't advise what to do, but outlines "Here is what someone did" numerous times, some to ill effect and some positive. It also outlines lots of topics that often crop up and should be taken into consideration, such as jealousy. *shrug* It has good points and bad points. But it's certainly not a manual for how to do polyamory.
I guess I should have said "not just about polyamory." There is no vs. The book is about non-monogamy, which includes poly, swinging, fucking hordes of people for sport, etc. Umbrella term works as a descriptor, if you like.
And yes, LR, while trigger is a powerful word, I suppose irritant is a better one. It would be like someone reading a programming manual about fundamentals in object-oriented application design and being pissed because the book didn't teach you anything about the specifics of Ruby. (Yes, I am a geek. haha)
LovingRadiance
Active member
lol Trigger came to mind faster. I'm a geek, but sometimes terminology evades me. 
It is nice to have you back around.
It is nice to have you back around.
Trigger came to mind faster. I'm a geek, but sometimes terminology evades me.
It is nice to have you back around.
*winks* Good to be back.
I can sometimes write with a heavy dose of sarcasm twisted with a logical sense of humour. I forget most people here, now, won't know who I am or how I used to post. So it was easily lost in the post.
No quandry. Poly in general fits into my thoughts about non-monogamy like most.
You might also see me posting in general about poly at its root having nothing to do with relationship structures. It's a simple concept, love more than one. Everything wrapped around it is constructs of the people who want poly to be more than that. I am a non-monogamous person, who happens to (but not every time) have the capability of loving more than one person.
Anyway, back to your regular programming. Opening Up is a decent book, not great, but none of them are. Some are too hippy dippy, too '70s. Others just have nothing to do with anything I can relate to. I found Opening Up to be the best of a bad lot. I found the best resources to be online.
You can easily watch how people do poly badly, and sometimes catch glimpses of the ones who do it well, wrap it up into my own nuances and hopefully come out with good relationships. The books were simply static manuals to be referenced at times with the expectation that information may no longer apply (kind of like technical manuals, actually haha).