Attraction issues with OSO. What's wrong with me?

[poobah123]

My wife Sarah and I are currently in a quad poly relationship with another married couple (Sunny and Sam). It started out as an emotional affair, me and Sunny. Fast forward to today, I seem to always have issues with it. First it was jealousy, anger, all that, but now it's become about attraction issues with Sunny.

Is it possible to fall in love with someone who you're not very attracted to? I remember saying to myself when it started, "Why do I feel this way? She is not 'my type' at all," but the darn NRE was too powerful. I just said I was not shallow and forged on. So we had an emotional affair for 8 months and never had sex. I thought it was because we were trying to do the right thing as best we could, but now I wonder if I just didn't have the desire to be physical with her.

Now my issue is that I don't feel very attracted to Sunny. I don't have the sexual urges I do with Sarah, who is "my type." Sunny is not ugly or anything. I just have some preferences that she lacks. I do love her dearly, though.

I will admit that I am still not over the jealousy issues completely, and I know this takes away from me enjoying the physical with Sunny, because I'm almost always thinking, "If I am doing it, Sarah will be too."

So what the hell is wrong with me? Three people are happy and enjoying this. I believe in it, and do enjoy many moments, but always seem to have something bothering me.

Thoughts welcome.

 

[redpepper]

I think you need to relax. It's about the journey. Fluidity happens in relationships and I believe one has to allow for that. Give it time.

If you really aren't sexually interested in Sunny, then don't have sex with her. There is no reason you have to.

You could change the description of your dynamic, too. Maybe you and Sarah are in a vee? She is the hinge and you have a metamour. Is Sarah sexual with Sunny? If so, maybe she is dating a couple.

If any of that is important to you, then redefine. If it changes, redefine. Keep it fluid. Whatever works. Just don't do stuff that isn't going to work for you, damages others, or damages you.