BF bought a new house... I have mixed feelings.

[candyharlot]

Hey, everyone. I've been in an open relationship with my boyfriend for 8 months and we plan on it being long term. However, he doesn't want us to move in together yet. I completely understand his reasoning for it and honestly, there's a large part of me that doesn't feel ready for that yet either since I'm younger than him and I'm just now getting out on my own...but I'm still upset about the whole thing and I can't really figure out why.

How can I get past this? He is in the process of moving in and I can't even stand to be inside of the place. I don't want to help him move. I don't want anything to do with it. I feel like a horrible person for not being supportive about this because I know he's really excited. He invited two of our mutual friends to become his roommates (both guys) and I am feeling a bit resentful of them as well.

One thing that is nagging at me is that our privacy is going to be greatly diminished. For the entirety of our relationship we have both had optimal privacy (he had his own place, I had my own place with no roommates.) His new roommates (and our friends) are going to be actually seeing the girls he is sleeping with and will probably hear me once or twice while we're having sex. Now, all of our friends know that we are open, so I'm not really sure why I feel uncomfortable about it. I already discussed this with him and it didn't really get us anywhere, either because I wasn't being constructive or because I wasn't making much sense (I was really upset.)

Other than that I'm not really sure why I'm having such a big problem adjusting. Any advice on how to accept these feelings and move on? Thanks in advance.

 

[Nadya]

Sorry you are hurting. It sucks to be upset, especially if you yourself are not really sure of *why* that is.

My advice is: let yourself feel all your feelings. Do not block them out because you think they are not justified. Listen to yourself, and you will find the real reasons for why you got that upset.

Do not judge yourself too harshly about the discussion with your bf that did not go so well... one cannot be constructive and very upset at the same time! You were actually expressing your upset feelings rather than trying to find a solution in that discussion. That is the first step: recognize, acknowledge and express your feelings. The next step would be to find the real trigger for these emotions. Only then you can be constructive and try to solve the problem behind the emotions.

Not sure this was of any help... Just want to say, I am feeling for you

 

[Inyourendo]

Can he jut come to your place from now on? I can relate, my boyfriend has people temporarily sleeping in his living room and im only comfortable being in his room and it's fairly awkward to have sex when he has people on the other side of the door. I can't wait for them to leave and i can get comfortable there