DownToEarth,
Here is a copy and paste of a recent post I submitted not too long ago on this very topic.
So, I've seen this discussed on various threads here, articles, blogs, and podcasts elsewhere. Here are a few thoughts of my own - be interesting to read others as well.
"Ethical Slut" is the classic text, regarded by some as the Bible of Poly - probably because of its longevity and the resulting importance in the "poly movement". It does have its warts, however. It is getting long in the tooth, but it did not seem too evident in the revised version that I read. I have read criticisms that it is "too Lesbian oriented" - while there is no shortage on Lesbian references, I did not find it to be an issue and the points were made regardless of the sexual orientations involved. A review on Amazon said it was really more about "poly-sexuality" that polyamory - there is some merit to that critique - but that was not an issue with me - I found some of the suggestions along those lines helpful in coming to terms with the idea of my wife having sex with another man. And it is a reasonably engaging read as well. Really, imo, still a must read for the poly world - although not necessarily the first book that should be read.
"More than Two" seems to be regarded as the modern poly standard and indispensable reference - perhaps it is. I am about a quarter of the way through and have found it to be a rather sluggish and uninspiring read, definitely lacking in the engagement factor. I also find the author to be excessively opinionated in places - although, in fairness, not without offering some excellent advice along the way as well. But I will reserve my own final judgment until I have completed the book. Perhaps then I will also find it to an indispensable reference for poly relationships (even if a bit dull and opinionated - and, of course, everyone has their opinions - and his are undoubtedly more educated in regard to poly than mine - and probably reflect different values as well).
"Opening Up" - I just competed this book - and this would be the book that I would have to recommend to someone interested in poly or consensual non-monogamy in general - just an excellent overview and introduction, with enough detail to help the individual that is coming into poly. I decided to take a break from "More Than Two" and read this book because I heard Cunning Minx of the Polyweekly podcast recommend it as her favorite - and I can see why - it is an interesting, engaging read. The primary downside to the book is that it is dated - some of the dated-ness it really immaterial - such as the term "metamour" missing, and certain technological references being somewhat out of date. However, some of the discussion of the state of poly and related social issues such as gay rights and gay marriage are decidedly out of date. And while there is an extensive resource section in the back of the book, it is most likely very out of date. An updated version is definitely in order - but even given this dated-ness, it would still be the book that I would recommend for the newbie, with the caveat that it is dated in places.
Disclaimer - Yes, I should finish "More Than Two" to be fair, and I haven't read all the other books our there (although these seem to be the most mentioned three).
"Eight Things I Wish I'd Known About Polyamory: Before I Tried It and Frakked It Up" by Cunning Minx - only available on Kindle and perhaps a bit overpriced for a relatively short book - but a worthwhile short read as a supplement. Easy, engaging read. (Revision - also available as a paperback now).
--------------------
Since this post, I've also read "When Someone You Love is Polyamorous". While the author is apparently well respected, I found the book to be a bit shallow, even for its intended purpose (I recall it being referred to as a pamphlet - it is a very short book). It is certainly at the far end of the spectrum form "More Than Two". Simply, I was just not overly impressed with the presentation she made of polyamory - your mileage may vary.
I continue to favor "Opening Up" as the first book I would recommend - it does cover more of the consensual non-monogamy spectrum than just poly and it does show its age in places, but it is also reasonably engaging and, imo, does a nice job of presenting an overview of poly, but with enough detail to get the beginner off to a good start as well. My two cents. Best, Al
