Hi all, this is my first post here.
My boyfriend Eli recently developed his first crush on someone other than me.
I was totally intimidated for a week, did the (hypocritical) "LET'S JUST BE MONOGAMOUS, THAT WILL FIX OUR PROBLEMS" thing, and then bit the bullet and asked to speak to the crush, Axel. He was... extremely nice. I was totally honest with him, attempted to civilly share my worries and concerns. He was willing to back off a little, talk more, invited me to share anything worrisome that came up.
Well, it's been just a week, but the three of us have been talking like every spare moment when we don't have class. It's been kind of like a bonding retreat. I wouldn't say I have feelings for Axel right now, but I'm actually really fond of him. I do, however, have a lot of insecurity around Axel liking Eli more than Axel likes me, around Eli liking Axel more than Eli likes me, about generally being disliked.
I keep coming up with these worst-case scenarios:
1. I fall madly in love with Axel, but Eli wants an exclusive thing with him, and Axel has no interest in me, so they shut me out.
2. I start really disliking Axel, but Eli wants to be involved and/or wants me to be involved, and it's just a big mess.
3. One of us gets together with another one and then breaks up and everyone gets awkward.
The other people in this scenario weigh in:
Eli: I think you're just too afraid of the future, so you're running around trying to figure out everyone's intentions, when we don't actually have any solid ones. We can talk about it.
Axel: I've kind of always wanted to have a four or three-person relationship, but I don't know. I like you both a lot. I think what we have right now is really cool.
Me: I'm just scared, guys. I'm scared of Eli having sex with someone else. I'm scared of not being included. I'm scared of being included and getting super triggered.
Eli does not have any friends this in contact and this good, so I'm also kind of worried I'm inserting myself against his will and "poaching" his relationship. He says I am not. I don't want to ruin a really good thing for him.
My boyfriend Eli recently developed his first crush on someone other than me.
I was totally intimidated for a week, did the (hypocritical) "LET'S JUST BE MONOGAMOUS, THAT WILL FIX OUR PROBLEMS" thing, and then bit the bullet and asked to speak to the crush, Axel. He was... extremely nice. I was totally honest with him, attempted to civilly share my worries and concerns. He was willing to back off a little, talk more, invited me to share anything worrisome that came up.Well, it's been just a week, but the three of us have been talking like every spare moment when we don't have class. It's been kind of like a bonding retreat. I wouldn't say I have feelings for Axel right now, but I'm actually really fond of him. I do, however, have a lot of insecurity around Axel liking Eli more than Axel likes me, around Eli liking Axel more than Eli likes me, about generally being disliked.
I keep coming up with these worst-case scenarios:
1. I fall madly in love with Axel, but Eli wants an exclusive thing with him, and Axel has no interest in me, so they shut me out.
2. I start really disliking Axel, but Eli wants to be involved and/or wants me to be involved, and it's just a big mess.
3. One of us gets together with another one and then breaks up and everyone gets awkward.
The other people in this scenario weigh in:
Eli: I think you're just too afraid of the future, so you're running around trying to figure out everyone's intentions, when we don't actually have any solid ones. We can talk about it.
Axel: I've kind of always wanted to have a four or three-person relationship, but I don't know. I like you both a lot. I think what we have right now is really cool.
Me: I'm just scared, guys. I'm scared of Eli having sex with someone else. I'm scared of not being included. I'm scared of being included and getting super triggered.
Eli does not have any friends this in contact and this good, so I'm also kind of worried I'm inserting myself against his will and "poaching" his relationship. He says I am not. I don't want to ruin a really good thing for him.
