Brand new relationship issues.

N

Newbipoly

New member
Hello. So I'm in a new poly relationship with another man's woman. We are both married and were not expecting this. Both couples had joined a swinging website to add spice to our marriages. It just so happened we ended up joining the site within 24 hours of each other.

We got to talking on the site. We have a ton in common. Since the very first day, the wife and I have talked and/or texted every day. The 4 of us have met in person 1x now and all hit it off very well. We all have secure and happy marriages.

She and I have fallen in love. We have so much in common. We have all talked openly and honestly about this. While both hubbies say that they want to support us and be part of this, also my hubby looked these feelings up.

They both, in the last week, have admitted to feelings of insecurity. I think part if the problem is that the boys are not involved in the day-to-day aspect of the relationship, as it is by phone and text. They are 100+ miles away. We are seeing them this weekend and I think it's a good time to talk things out.

Any advice or tips? Topics I should bring up? What has worked for you?
 
Congrats and welcome.

I would suggest to take things slow and don't make things out to be more than they actually are. It takes time to get to know someone else. NRE can really distort reality. Remain grounded and try not to let unrealistic expectations sweep you off your feet. The first poly relationship can be exhilarating and it's easy to get carried away. Try to enjoy it when you are together. Take a break from over-thinking things when you are not together.

Good luck and keep sharing.
 
Thank you. Good advice. Those are things I think we need to talk about, too. We are all getting together and have decided a discussion is in order. I appreciate your insight.

Namaste
 
One of my first poly "relationships" was with a woman I met via swinging. The thing that we lacked that we really needed? TONS of discussion. I mean, we all went in with expectations of swinging, so when she and I felt like we needed time for "us," her husband felt extremely left out. While he thought it would be exciting to know we were going out, then having sex without him, in reality he found out that he just was NOT into the idea of her being with someone without him. At all. Made him feel unnecessary.

Luckily, my hubby was super awesome through it all. Once she and I went our separate ways, he and I decided to continue exploring polyamory. The other woman and her husband still swing on occasion, but have mostly closed up due to the insecurity that the whole thing revealed.

Moral of the story? Make sure you're all on the same page about expectations/boundaries. When you go into a situation planning for one thing and end up doing something completely different, something is bound to get a little out of whack and need some focus.
 
Thank you! We plan on having a good discussion this weekend. I think we are all on board with that. I actually like her hubby a lot, and she mine. What's more funny is that her hubby and I are very much alike, and she and my hubby are also to the point we were all laughing about the similarities last weekend we saw them. She and I had a really good discussion about making our hubbies feel secure just yesterday.

Thank you for your responses.
 
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